My Life in Azerbaijan - Just an ordinary day

February 24, 2011
Sitting in my chilly apartment, I wait for the pot of water to boil. It has been more than an hour; the water just would not boil for the gas is very very low this evening. I have five layers of clothing on me and my fingers are still stiff and ice cold. I could not stand it any longer, I grab a rope and start jumping rope, the exercise the doctor advises me to do to keep warm.

After five minutes, I feel better, and then I become very hungry. I need foods, like….
creamy cheese cake, cheese puff, or even just a piece of cheese…
what about sweet and sour pork, roasted pork, or just a roasted pork bum,
Peking duck? By God, I would love to just smell it...

All right! I am not greedy, maybe just a bowl of egg fried rice…..Oh God, I am so hungry.

The water is still not boiling; I open a bag of salty cracker that my sister sent me. I eat it with some peanut butter and watch TV, it is BBC.

Some British lady complains that she could only afford to run a wash once a week because the utility bill is too high. Start doing it by hand lady!

She can only feed her kids with pizza, DID SHE SAY PIZZA? I am so hungry……

I open another bag of cracker, this time I eat it just plain with no peanut butter because I am running low on peanut butter as well…. and then I go to bed with a prayer “please god, let spring come soon, really soon”. I like Azerbaijan, but I hate the COLD!

Maybe tomorrow I can take a shower if the gas is back on…..Inshalla (God’s willing)

My Life in Azerbaijan - Limits of Dreams

February 20, 2011
It has been snowing for two days, and this morning, the snow turns to freezing rain. What is the better way to spend a day indoor with a good book, “Eiger Dreams” by Jon Krakauer.

It was nearly fifteen years ago that I first read Jon Krakauer another infamous book “Into Thin Air”. His personal account of Everest disaster enthralled me and after I finished reading the story, I decided that I had to see this legendary mountain that claimed so many climbers’ life. I even thought about climbing it.

After enduring 28 days with subzero temperature, I finally reached Everest base camp, barely weighted 95 lbs, with greasy hair, charcoal face, smelly cloths and dirty fingers. That morning, looking up to the Western Cwm which led to the Lhotse face of Mt. Everest, I shivered in the bitter cold mountain air, realized that there were limits of my dreams. The dream of climbing Mt. Everest for me, not only was impossible, it was in deed suicidal. I gave up that dream and swore that I would never ever set foot on that hostile, barren and cruel land again. Seven years later, Jon Krakauer’s “Eiger Dreams” makes me relive those horrible moments.

It is easy, when you are young, to think that what you desire is what you deserve, to believe that if you want something badly enough, work hard towards it and at the end, you are entitled to have it. Everest experience had nudged me a little further away from that obdurate naive assumption. It taught me that not all dreams are attainable. There are limits for what we can and can not do in life. After Mt. Everest, I moved on to other dreams, dreams that may not be as grandeur as the dream of climbing Everest, but they were meaningful events that fulfilled my happiness, defined and enriched my life.

It is not the end of the world if we cannot achieve some of our dreams, but stop pursuing dreams, however, IS.

My Life in Azerbaijan - It is snowing!

February 16,2011

It rained whole night last night.

When I walk to work this morning, suddently rain turns into snow. It is very pretty, remains me of New York. But then when I think about how cold it will get in my apartment, and how much my fingers and toes will suffer at work, the snow doesnot look so pretty any more.....

Arrive at the bank, the snow turns back into rain again....

My Life in Azerbaijan - Cold Fingers and Toes

February 15, 2011
Since the beginning of January, my fingers and toes have been so cold. Even when I put on warm gloves or wrap my hands around a cup of hot tea, they still would not warm up. The worse is; when the weather gets warmer, my fingers and toes turn red, begin to swollen and are itchy like hell. The symptom occurred last winter as well. It brings back memory of my childhood when I was in Hong Kong, I had the exact problem every winter. My grandmother used to soak my feet in a bowl of hot water to ease the discomfort. But since I moved to the US, the problem never reappeared. Even when I was in Nepal hiking to Mt. Everest base camp with temperature -18F, I was never troubled by the same symptom. Here in Azerbaijan, it happened again.

I mentioned the problem to Peace Corps doctor and immediately, he sent me to the Baku hospital for a skin scanning. He suspects that I have Raynaud’s disease and indeed, the test confirms it.

“When a person's body is exposed to cold, the blood vessels in the extremities become narrowed and slow down blood supply to the fingers and toes. In the case of an individual with Raynuad’s disease, these blood vessels narrow dramatically, causing troubling symptoms. Fingers and toes turn white due to a lack of blood, then blue as the blood sluggishly returns. As they warm and normal blood flow is re-established, they turn red”

Even though winter in Azerbaijan is relatively mild when compared to the winter in American, average temperature is still around 40F or 4C. In my apartment, I stayed near the kitchen, so the heat from cooking keeps me warm, but at the bank, it is a different story. My co-workers each place a “Peç” (a electric heater) next to them to keep warm. I have none. They tried to offer me one of their, but I did not feel right to take away their comfort. Instead, I just drank lots of tea. When the cold becomes so unbearable, I wear my gloves to keep my fingers warm. Of course, it creates unwanted attention of bank customers and sometimes, I have no choice but letting my fingers turn cold and numb. The prolong exposure to the cold, my childhood nightmare, therefore, returns.

But soon it will be Spring, soon it will be summer, soon I will be travelling to South East Asia, and soon I will be warm. Knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel, I feel better. For now, I just have to deal with it.