My Life in Azerbaijan - Ramadan & Fasting

August 30, 2010
Ramadan is the Islamic month of fasting. Although not every Muslim in Azerbaijan fasts, one of my co-workers Muhammad has been fasting everyday. Since I read the “Arabian Sands” five years ago, I have been enthralled by this religion, impressed by the Muslim people’s indubitable faith of Allah. Today, I decided to join my co-worker Muhammad and experienced this special event, refraining from eating and drinking from dawn until sunset. Let me tell you, not eating is bearable, but not drinking for 14 hours, my body was not reacting so well. By 3:00pm, I was so weak that I wanted to quit. I have to give Muhammad a lot of credits. He has been doing it everyday since August 11 and will continue until September 12, 2010!

Muhammad is a devoted Muslim. He read the entire Koran (Quran) when he was a little boy. He can quote every verse in the entire 114 chapters of the Koran. After showing him my desire to learn his religion, he sent me a copy of Koran (English version) and has been very helpful to guide me through some of the chapters. Most of my friends in New York always associate Muslim with terrorists. They stereotype this group and make sarcastic statements about them. After September 11, many injustice treatments were placed upon them. Recent event in New York City denying their right to build a mosque two blocks from the twin towers is just another example.

Four years ago I traveled to the desert of Sudan with five Muslim camel men. I witness their loyalty to Allah. Five times a day, they stopped whatever they were doing and prayed. With no water to wash, they used sands to clean themselves and knelt before Allah with the utmost affection. For them God is reality, and the conviction of his presence gives them the courage to endure. Fasting in Ramadan is a test of their self-restraint. Muslim, no doubt is a very proud race with strong spirit, believes an eye for an eye, and seems to have little regard for human life. This is the solemn side of their character. Nevertheless, they love poetry, are able to give natural expression to their feeling by a poetic form; this peaceful side of their people is frequently overlooked. As I get to know about their religion, my admiration to their people grows ever more. For that reason, I am willing to fast just for one day to show my respect.

I hope in the future, I will continue to observe this “self-restraint” exercise, not only for the medical and physical benefits but for the spiritual benefit as well.

My Life in Azerbaijan - Another Cold Winter

August 29, 2010
After the heavy rain storm from last week, the weather remains relatively cool. Yesterday when I took my evening walk, I also noted that the sun began to set earlier, indicating autumn is underway, before long it will be winter. The path I walk on will soon be deserted.

I have made many friends along this path; teahouse owners, shop keepers, street vendors, little kids on the playground and a group of distinguish elderly retired Azerbaijan gentlemen. I will miss seeing them in the winter as all the teahouses will be closed, shop keepers and street vendors will no longer selling summer fruits and vegetables, kids and the elderly men will stay inside their homes to avoid the bitterly cold. I, however, will continue to walk on this route with solitude.

Unlike last year, I am well prepared for the upcoming winter. My landlord has provided me with a brand new heater, plus two big boxes from my sister full of dried noodle soups, mixed sweet drinks and other nutritious foods have just arrived. I do not have to go to bed hungry and cold again.

hər şey yaxşı olacaq! (everything will be fine!)

I am in a much better condition than most AZ7s. Some of them live in a very remoted village and can only take a shower once a week, or even once a month. I have a very high regard for their tolerance, flexibility and patience, the best qualities of a Peace Corps Volunteer. The AZ8 is coming and I hope they can endure their first harsh winter as we all AZ7 did, with grace and dignity.

My Life in Azerbaijan - Rain of Love

August 22, 2010
Last night, my town had a big rain storm. Thunder rolled and jumbled, lightings threatened to split the sky into pieces, then the torrential rain followed. I welcome the rain. It breaks the unbearable heat, which has been tormenting most PCVs since the beginning of June. My rashes hopefully will finally heal as the heat and humidity decrease.

I fancy the rain. It always brings back sweet memory of my childhood; my grandmother, my sister, the small island we lived, sound of the bamboo leaves and smell of the jasmine flowers. Here is the poem I wrote long long time ago:

I often dreamed about my childhood time when,
the summer rain came late at night unexpected
Together with the lightning, thunder and wind,
Mixing with the sizzling sound of the bamboo leaves,
Awaking me, comforting me, and revealing me the secret of the “night”…

The storm brought in drops of rain,
Hitting the ceiling, splashing my window
Torturing the delicate white jasmine, and eventually
Snuck into my bed….

Curling up my body under a thin cover,

Unwilling to wake up from an already forgotten dream
Suddenly, a warm layer of blanket
Covering my shoulder,
Warming up my body and soul….

Fumbling in the dark, her aging figure
Fading away from my dream….
Outside my window
The bamboo leaves still complaining about
The insensitive wind, howling and howling….

My grandmother is in heaven now and my sister is thousand and thousand miles away. There is neither bamboo nor jasmine flower around, only I sitting alone and reading the poem of the past. I ponder; will I ever be loved so deeply, so unconditionally again?

My Life in Azerbaijan - Twin Sister

August 19, 2010
Among all the flowers, the Chinese night blooming cactus is my favorite. Its elegant stunning white flower, its fragrant, and its unique blooming behavior (only bloom at night for a few hours) all contribute to win the title as the best flower in Chi’s world.

Although I have seemed it bloom many many times, I never got tired watching it every summer. Around eight o’clock in the evening, little by little, the flower begins to open up, at the same time it starts to release its light fragrant, but by midnight, its flower starts to wither leaving its intoxicated aroma lingering into the night. I miss seeing my Chinese night blooming cactus bloom. Nevertheless, much to my surprise, I found its twice sister in Azerbaijan, only a few blocks away from my apartment.

One morning on my way to work, I passed by a courtyard where the summer flowers were in full bloom. Among them, a big white trumpet flower caught my attention. I took a few photos and determined to go back in the afternoon for another look. However, when I returned to the courtyard few hours later, the white flower already withered.

Not sure of its name, so I call it the “Morning Glory”. This flower do not have any fragrant but has the same unique blooming behavior as my Chinese night blooming cactus, blossom only a few hours in the morning. I figure it must be the long lost sister of my favorite flower, a twin which get separated many moons ago! I am glad to find it in Azerbaijan. Perhaps I will bring back some seeds and plant it right next to its sister.

My Life in Azerbaijan - Hospitability

August 17, 2010

Although the trip to Turkey was not as enjoyable as I would like due to the hot weather, I was delighted to meet the people in Turkey and impressed by their friendliness and hospitability. On two occasions, we were treated by the locals with kindness. They offered us assistance and invited us to join them with Çay (Tea).

After the 12 hours long bus ride, we arrived in Trabzon with no solid plan. We walked aimlessly the entire afternoon in the hot sun and were about to head to the bus terminal for another overnight bus ride. Three of us were carrying our backpack, looking very tired and searching for the bus station. Realizing we were lost, we stopped by a restaurant and asked for direction.

An elderly lady was sweeping the floor when we approached her with the question. First she looked at us with wild open eyes. Without sleep and shower for 24 hours and with the sweat drenched to our shirt, our appearance must have been so miserable that she took a pity on us. Instead of answering our question, she invited us to go inside the shop, led us to the table right next to an air conditioner and offered us tea.

“How much is the tea?” One of my companions asked. (I really wish she did not ask that question)

She did not give us the answer and walked back to the kitchen. Seconds later, the owner of the restaurant approached us:

“You will have tea and it is on me!” He said it in a firm tone of voice.

The elderly lady appeared again with tea and cookies; she smiled and urged us to rest. Soon, the owner came back with lots of maps. Since we could speak some Azerbaijani which is similar to the language of Turkey, we were able to communicate well with the owner. After we well rested, I offered to pay for the tea and the owner just absolutely refused to accept. When we were ready to go, the owner accompanied us to the street and pointed out the direction to our bus station. We thanked him whole heartily and said our farewell.

When I looked back to the restaurant, both the shop owner and the elderly lady were still standing there watching us. Recalling the e-mail message from the US embassy warning us the potential danger of traveling in Turkey, I could not help but dismissing it immediately.

My Life in Azerbaijan - Travel to Turkey

August 16, 2010
I have seen and met many young people travel months around the world with only their backpack, shoestring budget but manage to visit lots of countries. I envied them and wanted to do the same for quite sometime and I did it! However, I will never do it again.

In the company of two younger Peace Corps Volunteers, I traveled to Turkey with a 30 lbs backpack for 14 days. To save money, we traveled long distance with overnight buses, slept on a bench in an airport, and stayed 4 nights in cheap hostel. Most of the time, we had only 2 meals a day. We avoided expensive restaurant, ordered meal with no beverage, took advantage on hostel that offered free breakfast and dinner. The two weeks we were in Turkey, the heat wave dominated the entire country so we sweated like a pig walking in the hot sun everyday. By the end of the trip, I ended up losing 5 lbs. After living like a vagabond for 14 days, I was relieved, happy and glad to finally sleep on my clean bed again. As for how much money I spent, without counting the expensive caviar I bought for my friends, I only spent 650 manats, of which 75% is related to bus tickets and taxi fare.

What I dislike the most about this kind of traveling is the long hour bus ride. Our longest bus ride was from Istanbul to Batumi. We were on a bus 20 straight hours! From Tbilisi to Trabzon was 12 hours ride, after walking aimlessly in Trabzon to kill time for six hours, we got on a bus again and traveled another 13 hours to Goreme. Staying in Goreme only 2 days, we headed to Olympos with another 11 hours bus ride and ended up staying there only one night. If we traveled by plane, we would have done more sightseeing, visited more places and be able to stay in one place longer so as to learn more about the native cultures and enjoy the local cuisines. On the other hand, I am glad I did it. I do not believe many people with my age can travel like this! I have to give myself a lot of credits.

Peace Corps experience taught me to be flexible, to have patience and never forgot a sense of humor. I exercised all of those things while I was in Turkey. I did not lose my temper once, nor did I grumble about the primitive lodging, bitch about the hunger, the heat and the unpleasant body odor. I am even glad to have the opportunity to sleep in a windowless room with 16 other boys and girls who were all wearing nothing but their underwear at night due to the unbearable heat. I have proved to myself once again that I am a true survivor! Nevertheless, I am looking forward to my next trip which I will travel by plane, stay in a nice hotel; dine with exotic foods, drink good wine, enjoy a bubble bath and have sweet memories afterward.

My Life in Azerbaijan - Life after Peace Corps

July 29, 2010
The world renowned Chinese architect I.M. Pei is a friend of my friend. I am always proud to have that remote connection with him, no matter how vague that association is. The first time when I learned about him, I like him immediately. Mr. Pei and I actually share a lot of things in common.

First, we are Chinese, grew up in HongKong, educated in and immigrated to America, had a career in New York and most of all, we both have the deepest passion for nature, we love plants; sensitivity that we were lucky to have. Because of that, we see and feel things around us differently from most people, we are passionate to do things that we believe in and vigorously pursuit our dreams without considering cost. I found myself liking him as if he is a grandfather I never had.

Two days ago, I saw him on TV again. 93 years old, he is still very alert; his mind is as sharp as a young man. When was asked what his greatest fulfillment was, surprisingly it was none of those well-recognized architectural designs he built. He simply answered that it was his family where he found happiness and contentment. His answer awakens me. I have pondered about my life after Peace Corps for quite sometimes. Staying in Azerbaijan, take the bank’s job offer or returning to New York, go back to the pressure lifestyle once more, I could not decide. Today, Mr. Pei’s answer has given me some ideas.

I ran away from home since I was a young girl, I was profoundly upset by the inequitable treatment between a son and a daughter in a traditional Chinese family. My elder sister is the only person I miss back home. I have left her to face the unfair treatment alone for a long time. Thinking about her often brings tears to my eyes. I spent most of life in America, have accomplished many dreams. Although my biggest dream which I have been chasing after for 18 years, has not yet become a reality. Considering all the effort and love I have put in to foster that dream, yet I have no regret for letting that dream die, I have done my best. After all, we cannot have everything in life, can we?

Lately I have been longing to go home, like the weeping willow tree, the taller it grows, the more its branches touch its roots. My root is in HongKong, where my sister and I will care for each other, where as Mr. Pei said, I will find happiness and contentment.

My Life in Azerbaijan - Watermelon, I made a bargain!

July 20, 2010
Watermelon is in season now. In front of every vegetable stand, there are piles of watermelon on display. They are very cheap, about 0.3 manat per kilo (13 cent per lb) and they are sweet and juicy. In a hot summer night, eating a slide of chill and succulent watermelon is like drinking an ice cold beer. As a woman, I am not allowed to purchase beer in this country, so I settle with a slide of watermelon every night.

Yesterday during my routine walk, I passed by a vegetable stand attending by a group of children between age 7-12. They are very cute, helping their father to sell melon. As soon as they saw me they started to cheer and say “salam”. By now, members of my community become accustomed to my present. They see me walk by their neighborhood everyday; shop owners, street vendors, teahouse customers, butchers, chefs from nearby restaurant and children from the playground, all come out and wave with a “salam”, even the homeless dog would wag his tail and bark at me. I do feel like a movie star sometimes. This group of kids tried to sell me their watermelon. I told them I only had 1 manat (US$1.25) and could not afford to buy a big one.

“Problem yoxdur” (no problem)

They said and then pointed to a rotten melon on the floor and laughed. I pretended getting mad and started to walk away. Then, the elder kid pulled me back and picked a small one for me. He weighted it on the scale and said it was 1 manat. I did not believe him because I saw the scale register as 0.98 manat. So I pretended to get mad again. Of course, they laughed and giggled and discussed among themselves for a few seconds. Finally, they picked a bigger one which weighted more than 4.0 kilo. They wanted 1.2 manats for it.

“Mənim bir manatim var” ( I only have 1 manat!)
“yaxşı yaxşı” (ok, ok)

One of the boys took my manta and gave me a big grin; showing his missing front tooth. (He is really a cute boy) As soon as I turned around with my melon, I could hear more laughs, giggles, and whispers. I was afraid they sold me a bad melon, so I turned around and asked them again,

“Pisdir?: (bad melon??)
“Yox, yox! (No, No!)

Slowly I walked away, still hearing more laughs, giggles and whispers behind me. I should be the one laughing, thinking that I made a bargain, but I do feel guilty taking advantage of those innocent boys.

My Life in Azerbaijan - Appearance

July 18, 2010
Appearance is everything for the Azeri people. They are obsessed by keeping their shoes spotless clean even in a rainy day with mud everywhere and they care very much how their hair look. Azerbaijan must have the highest concentration of hair saloons in the world. I count my street, it has eight hair saloons! They must also iron all their clothes! I receive Peace Corps monthly newsletter today, and I have to laugh. One section is written to remind us the importance of bringing a napkins/rag with us on a muddy day so we can clean our shoes!

However, if you go to the Azeri home and look at their toilet, it will make you sick. The urine smell never seemed to bother them, the dirt on the floor, the leaking pipes, the broken toilet seat (if it has one, usually it doesn’t), the un-flushable toilet bowl, the filth on the wall, the insects, the oxidized showerhead, etc., are all acceptable conditions to them. My previous host family has a western type toilet; it is brand new, clean but only for display. When they have to do their “dirty” business, everyone use the “shit hole” outside the house. That “shit hole” is covered with yellow stains, permeated by smelly odor and the place has no light. At night, they just bring a flesh light with them. I can never understand it.

I agree with Vivian’s comment about the importance of our “nest”, a home where it gives me comfort, privacy, shelter, and a place where occasionally we can escape from the outside world. For that reason, I try my best to keep my apartment clean. However, keeping my Azerbaijan bathroom clean and fresh has been a challenge to me. No matter how much I clean, bleach and scrub, it can never smell as fresh as my bathroom in New York. The problem is due to the old and leaky pipes up stair of my neighbor. Instead of fixing those leaky pipes and getting ride of the odor, my landlord simply covers the ceiling with an artificial ceiling. It is just a matter of time when those pipes eventually burst and the entire ceiling collapses and my bathroom becomes one big “shit hole”. I hope that day will not come until next year December, or I have to take an ET (early termination). Other than this, my life in Azerbaijan is fine.

My Life in Azerbaijan - Heat, the unbearable heat!

July 15, 2010
Finally it rained last night! Perhaps the monsoon rain from India at last reaches Azerbaijan or maybe it is the Khazri wind arrives from the north, it brings us the most needed rain and also the desired coolness to this town, so we have a piece of the pleasure, a total relief from the tormenting heat.

Rain does not come often in my town, especially during summer. Azerbaijan normally receives 300 days of sunshine and it is the absolute true. Summer in Baku and my town is appallingly hot. Average temperature is well above 35C or 97F. It is so hot in the afternoon that you can find every one hiding under a tree, or drinking çay (hot tea) in a teahouse.

Teahouse is a byproduct of this heat, it is kind of like the coffee shop in America, except in America, the shop serves cold drinks, but the teahouse here serves hot tea. Occasionally, it does serve cold beer but rare. Another exception is: no woman is allowed to enter into a teahouse. It is the gender issue. Imagine I purchase a cold beer and sit in a teahouse alone; it will be a BIG news in town! It is definitely an OLMAZ! (forbidden!) By now, I have learnt to live with it and not be bothered by it.

In New York, we have hot weather as well, but I am not normally troubled by it since AC is everywhere. The luxury thing that I took it for granted is not so accessible here. As a result, I do suffer occasionally. Fortunately I live alone, so I wear as little as possible in my apartment. Frequent cold shower often helps.

The experience however, humbles me. As a New Yorker, I inherit the typical “cocky and arrogant” habits and sometimes they do sneak up on me unconsciously. Every so often I lost my “cool” when I was confined inside a minibus with 100 degree temperature and with no AC. The locals, in contrast, simply sat quietly and patiently for the bus to leave the terminal.

The rain stops when I head out to work. It is a pleasure walk with a cool breeze. Nature once again provides the best remedy. I shall live….

My Life in Azerbaijan - Commitment

July 14, 2010

“There are two rules in life:
never count the cost &
never do anything unless you can do it wholeheartedly….”

I believe in this immensely! It is all about commitment. When we agree to perform a task, how dedicated we are to get the job done. When we consent to exchange a vow, how devoted we are to keep those words alive. Much to my surprise, nowadays there are not many people truly recognize the important of a commitment, or appreciate the essence of a pledge. Seeing the increasing ET (early termination) rate of AZ7 and also hearing distressed news about our love one back home breaking promise with us, I can not help but falling into despair. Are we all losing our value?

The giant pines outside my apartment window are radiant in the evening glow. The sun is sinking behind a saffron cloud. An elderly couple with their hands clinging to each other slowly walks towards the sunset.......

My Life in Azerbaijan - A Job Offer

July 6, 2010
Last week, the director of HR of my organization in Baku called. She told me that the Vice Chairman (my counterpart) would like to talk to me. Right away I thought I was in trouble. After all, these past few months I have been sending him lots of e-mails asking questions and pointing out misstatements of the organization’s financials. He never answered any of my questions, I got a little bit frustrated so I sent him one last e-mail two weeks ago telling him “There are just too many mistakes, we need to talk!” Maybe he fed up with my attitude and wanted me to back off. Well, he cannot fire me, I am a volunteer! Expecting the worse, I went to his office.

He was later 45 minutes, but by now I am used to the “Punctuality Habit” of the locals. Finally he was ready to see me. The director of HR accompanied me to the meeting. I was wondering “WHY? Am I really in such a big trouble?” I met the Vice Chairman before. He is actually a gentleman. He apologized for being late, and after that he began to talk.

“Do you miss America Chi?”
“Of course”
“Do you like Sumgayit?”
“Yes, everyone in the branch is very kind to me”
“Living in Baku is better, lots of theater, shop, do you like Baku?”
“Yes, sure”
“What is your plan after Peace Corps?”
“I am planning to visit HK, see my family, travel and…”
“No no, I do not mean that, what is your future plan?”
“Oh, I need to find a job”

(Silence for a few seconds) He then looked at the director of HR first, then me and smiled,

“Well, our organization is going through restructuring, we can certainly utilize your skills to help us. It will be a senior level position. Do you think you will stay in Azerbaijan after Peace Corps?”

He really caught me off guard. I did not know what to say but I had to admit, I was flattered.

“Well, I haven’t thought about it…. but it is possible”
“You don’t want to leave Peace Corps right now, do you?”

Wow, is he asking me to quit Peace Corps. Immediately, my reaction is “NO”.

“I come to your country to help, not for my own personal interest”

I politely explained to him. He was a bit embarrassed, and then he continued,

“Are you willing to move to Baku and work in the HQ, we will subsidize your apartment, maybe after you finish Peace Corps, you will continue to work for us?”

At this point, I felt like floating in the air, feeling pretty good. This man was offering me a job, not just a job, a high level position job! but then I thought about “J”, my apartment, my friends in New York, NY China town, Utah, hiking, backpacking and….

“I need to discuss this with Peace Corps, please give me a week to think it over”

I left his office. On my way home, I kept thinking about his offer. The job market in the US now is very bad, when I finish my service with Peace Corps, I may not be able to find a job at once. Here in Baku, I am certain to have a job, this is truly a wonderful thing happening to me, but why am I not feeling so excited?

To be continued.

My Life in Azerbaijan - Meeting Hillary Clinton

July 4, 2010
Only a handful of PCVs were invited to the July 4 event in the US Embassy. The main highlight of the event is the visit of Mrs. Clinton, Secretary of the States. When Mark called and told me that my name was on the list, I was very excited and looking forward to meeting her. The true highlight of the day for me, however, was meeting Linda and Denny, the lovely AZ6 couple whom I was so eager to meet since I arrived in Azerbaijan. Denny and Linda gave me a lot of helpful information last year when I was preparing to leave for Azerbaijan. They are indeed a charming, kind, and gentle couple.

This is the first time I visited the US Embassy in Baku. The compound is located in a not so nice neighborhood but has a lovely garden. Nevertheless, from the garden, you can see Azeri laundries everywhere, due to the fact that the compound is surrounded by apartment buildings. The locals are not shy to displace their underwear. It is kind of embarrassed to have a conversation with Mrs. Clinton while the Azeri colorful “flags” are everywhere. No wonder Mrs. Clinton was telling us that the Embassy was seeking a better place to move.

The US Government only fed us ice cream and cold drinks. No BBQ, no hotdog, not even some chips and cookies. There were not a lot of American attending the event, only the US Embassy faculties with their families, people from the Peace Corps office and less than 10 Peace Corps Volunteers. It was a very hot day and the event was held outdoor, so Mrs. Clinton did not linger too long. She looked tired, after 5 minutes speech and hang around for another 5 minutes, she left for the airport. I did not even get a chance to shake her hand not to mention a photo! The rest of the day was uneventful, except when I requested a bathroom stop, a security personnel had to escort me inside the compound, waited outside the lady room until I finished.

It was not an exciting day as I was expected but I got a story to tell when I return to the States!

My Life in Azerbaijan - First Adventure - Part 2: Hiking

June 29, 2010
Lahic is a small village located in the center of Azerbaijan, population only 2,000. It is buried deep in the southern slops of Caucasus Mountains. Due to its natural beauty, Lahic perhaps is the most visited village by foreigners in Azerbaijan. When Vivian and I walk on the main street, we do not gather much attention or stares as we normally received in our towns. I am happy about that.

The entire village only has one main street which however, connects to labyrinth of side allies. This “V” shape cobblestone street still has its charm. It is the world oldest drainage system. The warm weather has melted the snow from the upper mountain. Water carrying debris keeps rushing down to this “V” shape channel and eventually joins the main river below us.

As we climb further up to the village, we begin to see more locals re-open their shops after their midday rest. The town was originally a copper mining hub, but that has died down and gradually developed into a craft center. Vivian and I wonder through many copper and brass shops which now sustain the village's economy. I wish my budget was not so tight that I could purchase a few items to help the locals. I saw a beautiful bowl that I think Wood and Jomi would love to have in their home. These are my dearest friends from New York. When I need to raise money for my project, I contacted them. Without any hesitation, they wired me the money within a week. They are really “a friend in need”.

When we reach the top of the hill, it is the end of the cobblestone road. Few hundred feet further is the main river. Across from the river is a steep hill. Beyond that steep hill is a vast green field dotted with many sheep, cows, horses and a farm house. By the end of the field is the ancient shepherd’s track leading to the top of the mountain. Judging from my hiking experience, it will take me less than an hour to scale up to the top. Vivian, however, does not agree with me, so I convince her to stay and I will go alone. I set my turn around time and ask her to watch me climbing up to the top. She agrees.

My Life in Azerbaijan - First Adventure - Part 1: Escape

June 26, 2010

Last week of June, Vivian and I were supposed to travel to Neftchala for the summer camp helping other PCVs. The area is famous for its sturgeon fish which produces the expensive Caviar. (Caspian Sea produces 90% of the world caviar!) Due to various reasons, we decided to change plan and go on our adventure: The Lahic Odyssey. We are glad we did it, and we had the most amusing experience during the two days stay in this small remote village of Azerbaijan.

I heard about Lahic many times from other PCV hikers. The place is exceptionally beautiful. It is one of Azerbaijan’s most picturesque villages. We take a 16-passagers minibus from the Ismayilli (nearest town) to get there. A 45-minutes bumpy ride zip zaps through many spectacular mountain cliffs. 500 feet vertical drop below is a ragging river snakes pass many gorges with striking rocky pinnacles. While enjoying this incredibly scenic ride, I spot a shepherd’s track clinging terrifyingly to the other side of the valley. Excitement goes through my entire body instantly; it has been a very long time since I did my last hike. Would it be great if I can follow this route and get to the top to get my first view of the Caucasus Mountains. After all, I heard so much about this ancient mountain range since I was a little girl.

Our minibus crosses a small stream and begins to climb up to a hill. Five minutes later, we stop in front of a travel agency where an English-speaking man approaches us. Vivian was there three weeks ago and she knows the owner of the travel agency. Unfortunately, he is in Baku but his brother, who also speaks good English and offers us his assistance.

We check in our room which only costs us 8 azn a night. Our room is very rustic, has four small beds with two chairs, a naked light bulb dangling from the ceiling, simple but clean. Toilet and bathroom are outside. After having cheese and crackers for lunch, Vivian and I can not wait to go out for our adventure.

My Life in Azerbaijan - My Favorite Time of the Day

June 27, 2010

After a week of travel, I am home and back to my daily routine. I like structure, certain times of the day to do certain things. It makes my days and weeks go much faster. I like that.

Everyday except Wednesday, I go to work at the bank from 10am to 4pm, afterward, take a 1.5 hours walk by the sea, and an half hour yoga before dinner. After dinner, I read, do some Sudoku to exercise my brain, then bed time.

Saturday is cleaning day, I clean my apartment and do laundry in the morning. Afternoon go to Baku and have my Azeri lesson. Sunday is cooking day. I hardly do any cooking in New York, but in Azerbaijan, eating out is considered luxury so I learn to cook some simple foods. Yesterday, I made my own jam! Yes, cherry jam and it is ok. Today, I make egg plant spaghetti sauce. Vivian taught me how to keep a good spaghetti sauce. I add some eggplants to the sauce that I made few weeks ago and put in more fresh tomatoes and hot peppers, and it tastes fantastic! Last week, I even baked bread, but it needs a few minor adjustments.  Tonight, I think I am going to bake a cake.

Breakfast in the morning is the time I cherish the most. In New York, I never had time to enjoy breakfast. I rushed to work, often skipped breakfast or ate very unhealthy. Here in Azerbaijan, I have an hour to enjoy breakfast before heading to the bank. Usually, I have fruits, toast, egg, or oatmeal, and a cup of coffee, more importantly, some flowers (which I picked during my daily walk) as a touch of nature. I sit by the kitchen window; listen to the bird singing, breath the fresh morning air and prepare for a new day. I begin to sense the essence of simple life. Life that I may not experience again once I return to the States. Only 18 months remain, so soon….

My Life in Azerbaijan - A True Friend

June 18, 2010
Besides working for the bank, I also need to work on community project. I have been thinking to do a health project educating the youngsters to take a better care of their teeth. Oral hygiene is badly neglected in Azerbaijan; some of the kids do not even own a toothbrush. Like every project, you need money.

I mentioned my project to some friends in America and asked them for a small donation. Few individuals respond immediately and wired me the money within a week. I am grateful for their generosity, they are truly “a friend in need is a friend indeed”. Of course, there are some never respond or choose not to help. I am not angry with them. They have no obligation to help me, to help the children they never met, to give money to a country they never heard of.

However, if a person is willing to spend thousands of dollar on things that they do not even need but never thought of using some of those money helping others, it does not sound right, isn’t it? After all, “helping the poor” is one of the five pillars of wisdom, I expect my friends to have that decent human quality in them.

My Life in Azerbaijan - Andrew's story: To be young is to be stupid

June 4, 2010
Andrew called me for some advice. I am glad he called. It shows that he still considers me as his friend. Andrew was in trouble few months ago. He eloped with an Azeri girl. For three days, Peace Corps and the girl’s parents were going crazy searching for them. The story instantly became a huge gossip among all the PCVs. His saga was posted in the internet and some harsh and mocking statements were made about his affair.

I am always the last one who knew about all the gossips, so when I saw Andrew last month during the training in Baku, I was unaware of his affair. So that day I greeted him without any “condemnatory, judgmental or disapproval” look. After he voluntarily told me his wild story, I honestly gave him my opinion and words of advice. I think he needed that and appreciated that as well.

Some PCVs are still making fun of him. His story is still a hot topic during any Peace Corps gatherings. I wish they could stop and give him a break. Whatever Andrew did, he did it out of passion, and he did it out of, what we all once believed in. “LOVE”. Andrew is young, his action maybe “stupid” but not against nature. I still remember how I was when I was young. I did wild things, I did things that my parents considered VERY inappropriate or sinful. I did things spontaneously, acted according to how I felt at that moment and could careless what the consequences were. But THAT IS THE BEAUTY OF IT! When you are young, you are entitled to make mistake, you are entitled to act stupid, and you definitely have the right to be rebellion! Those stupidities, rebellions, idiocies, foolishness and sinful acts add color to our youth. They are part of growing up. After all, life is about living, not just surviving! Having a notorious past, for me is better than having a boring life.

Every so often I wish I still had the courage to act spontaneously and freely, like when I was 19, not worrying too much, analyzing too much, or planning too much. I wish I could just DO it. As I grow older, I seek for security and take precaution for every move I make. I guess it is the byproduct of getting old. Like I said before, there are times for everything; times to have fun, times to fall in love; times to grow old….I accept it wholeheartedly.

As for Andrew, so long as he takes responsibility for his action and he does, we should leave him alone.

My Life in Azerbaijan - Maybe Someday I will...

June 13, 2010
After two weeks, finally the dizziness and the bad cold went away. I am healthy again! It is great to feel alive, to feel I can go out and face the world once more. To be healthy is more important than anything else for me. There are just too many places where I have not yet be, too many mountains that I have not climbed, too many dreams I have not yet accomplished. Too many things to do with so little time…I definitely need a strong healthy body.

While I was sick, I finished the book “J” sent me. “A vagabond for Beauty”, a book about a young man at the age of twenty, Everett Ruess who vanished into thin air in the wilderness of Utah in 1934. What fascinates me about the story is Everett’s nearly sinful lust for natural beauty. His ability to see, articulate and portray the magnitude, color, and changing moods of nature. When I closed the book, I wish I was there with him; exploring, venturing and disappearing….

The Red Rock Canyon Country in Southern Utah by far is the place I love the most. The climb to Kilimanjaro, Everest base camp, ancient Tepui and Mt. Rainer was unforgettable, the crossing of Sahara desert was memorable as well, but nothing, noting like the delicate beauty and quietness of the canyon countries in southern Utah that give me so much satisfaction, joy, serenity and deep peace. If I have to choose a place to die and be buried, it has to be an unknown canyon in southern Utah where a small running stream is nearby, cottonwoods and willows are abundant and most importantly, surrounded by beautiful smooth cliff walls…..Maybe when I am home in 2011, I will work for a National Park in Utah, spend the rest of my life searching for that beautiful burial site…:)

“Adventure is for adventurous” so true.

My fellow AZ7 PCVs,
There is beauty in adventure, go seek adventure, go live your wanderlust, whether in Azerbaijan or Utah. Serving the Peace Corps is an adventure; don’t lose sight of that.

My Life in azerbaijan - It is a very close call

June 7, 2010
So far more than 10 PCVs from my group quitted the Peace Corps. At first I had a harsh opinion about their ET (Early Termination) but now I realize no one should judge them unless you experienced what they had gone through.

Since I moved in to my new “expensive” apartment, I have been dealing with situations that far more than I can bear. (Remember, I am a New York City girl, I know nothing about broken pipes or leaks) First it was the kitchen. The pipe under the kitchen sink was so old that it broke the first week when I moved in. Then it was the bathroom. It flooded every time I took a shower. I called my landlord. He came, said “Mən bilirəm” (understood) and left. Two months passed, my bathroom problem continues. To take a shower, I have to put a bucket under the shower head to catch all the water. As for the kitchen, I place many containers and towels right underneath the pipe just in case it breaks again when I am not home. I am constantly living with fear that anytime the pipe will burst. (No wonder my blood pressure is up and down)

On top of that, at least two days a week, there is no running water and it usually happens during evening hour when I am in the middle of cooking or washing. When the water finally runs again, I can smell the odor of raw sewage everywhere; outside my window, from the toilet, underneath the kitchen sink. I have to pour cups and cups of bleach to tone down the smell. Now, I store so many gallons of water in my apartment that they can bath the whole army!

For a while, my life seems to be bearable again until last night. First it was the two monster bugs, black, hairy, ugly bugs showing up in my bathroom floor. I had no idea where they came from. I switched on the light and here they were. I froze and closed the bathroom door immediately. I walked back and forth outside the bathroom and did not know what to do. Finally, I graphed a huge towel, opened the door and throw the towel on top of them. I graphed a cooking pen and banged on the floor. My whole body was shaking when I did the “killing”. To clean up the mess, I washed the towels in the kitchen sink. Then, the Pipe leaked, and water was everywhere in my kitchen. What a nightmare. I was exhausted when I climbed to bed. Midnight, my upstairs neighbor began to bang on the wall; maybe they saw more giant bugs!

This morning, I went to the bazaar, a man approached me and asked me the price for a full body massage. (my town has a Chinese Massage Center)

“Mən bankda işlayırman!” (I work for a bank!!!, you XXX! I wish I knew the word in Azeri)

You see, how much "XXXX"I have to put up with. That moment, I thought about quitting, but I took a deep breath and went home.

My Life in Azerbaijan - Am I really Stressed out?

May 26, 2010
It has been a week that I am not feeling well. Everyday, it starts with dizziness in my head first, and then escalates to headache and by noon; I would be completely exhausted mentally. Yesterday at work, the symptom became so sever that I had to call Peace Corps doctor to get me home. Dr. Faud came right away and he took my blood pressure: 160/92!

My blood pressure is always normal. It was just a week ago that my blood pressure was 116/76 (normal 120/80). “Is your work very stressful?” Dr. Faud asked. Compare to what I used to do in Wall Street, the work here at the bank is nothing. “Let us follow up with this, take a few days off, don’t go to work, stop drinking coffee and tea, I will call you tomorrow” then he left. Today, the dizziness continues, again the headache. I am very frustrated! I did everything to keep myself healthy, the daily long walk, eating right, and the positive altitude. Why does my blood pressure become so high suddenly?

The only stress that I have is the constant “stares” and the verbal harassment from the teenagers during my daily walk. I have already come to accept the fact that the situation will never change, so I face them bravely every day. I thought I got over it already!

“You are like an animal in a cage, constantly being watched by them. You can suppress your stress but they are still there Chi!”

My PCV friend gave me her words of advice. She is on her way back to the US. (10th PCV from AZ7 quitting the Peace Corps) A month ago, her blood pressure was sky high due to her stress. She decided to call a quit. As soon as she made her decision to leave, her blood pressure went back to normal again. I pondered her comment and I nearly got emotional. Perhaps my stress is real.

Will I get better? Time will tell. I will deal with it, one day at a time.

My Life in Azerbaijan - Another Mishap, another Disillusionment

May 22, 2010
Woke up this morning, I heard another plane crashed in southern India. Another 158 people have died. It was just a week ago that a plane crashed in Libya and everyone died except a little boy. What is happening to the world? What is happening to mankind? Were those accidents act of God or they were tragedies that we, human, inflicted upon ourselves?

Modern technology has better our daily life, but it comes with a price, at times, too high to comprehend. “I craved for the past, resented the present, and dreaded the future” Wilfred Thesiger wrote in his famous book the “Arabian Sands”. He detested modernization; resented what the shoddy and materialistic world had done to the Arabian Peninsula. Although I don’t agree his point of view totally, I do sympathize his feeling. Often, I found myself struggling between two worlds: the modern and the still not fully developed world, like Azerbaijan, where old values still exist.

…our search for a future that works keeps spiraling back to an ancient connection between ourselves and the earth, an interconnectedness that ancient cultures have never abandoned.

Most of the Azeri youngsters whom I met welcome the modern technologies, skills and western cultures that Peace Corps volunteers offer. The university students in Baku loved the “sexy” dance that the American showed them during the “American Day”. Watching the young girls’ bodies twisting and swinging sexually alongside their male friends, I wonder what their parents will react if they see it.

Azerbaijan is still a conservative country. Most villages, single male and female are not allowed to go on a date. They cannot be seen in the public walking together. This seemingly repulsive culture may sound intolerable for the American, but it was the way of life that their parents, their grand parents and their great grand parents believed in. We, as an outsiders, are supposed to respect this ancient ethnicity or reject it just because our society does not believe in it?

I wish I had the answer but I don’t. Maybe I am old fashion, I still love to travel to remote places where cars and plants cannot penetrate and where something of the old ways still survive…..but those places have becoming less and less…..

My Life in Azerbaijan - I am Fine!

May 19, 2010
I have been receiving e-mails from home concerning my happiness here:

“Come home, you don’t have to suffer!”
“Are you ok, so and so told me you are not having a good time there”
“What the hell, it is not worth it, come home Chi”

I WILL NOT! For the last time, no way will I quit Peace Corps and that is final!

First, let me clarify, yes, I am having ups and downs here, (who does not?) and yes, my living conditions are well below my standards in New York, and yes, I miss a lot of things I love in New York. However, I am willing to give them all up temporally in exchange for the Peace Corps experience. I join Peace Corps not because I am unemployed in New York, not because I need to escape problems back home, not because I hate my life in America, and definitely not because I need a long vacation!

My reason to join Peace Corps cannot be described in just one or two sentences, but it all comes down to three words “Giving it back”. I am not rich, but I don’t have to worry about paying bills. I am not unhappy with my life for I have accomplished many dreams. I could have retired early, or got an easy job and be satisfied for the rest of life, but I often asked myself, is that what my life all about? Everything I did up to the summer of 2009 was all about myself, my life, my happiness, what about others, especially those I had met in Sudan, Tanzania, Venezuela, Nepal, Peru and China. Those hungry eyes, dirty faces and sick bodies were imprinted so deeply in my heart that my happiness alone is no longer enough.

“There is a candle in your heart, waiting to be kindled
There is a void in your soul, waiting to be filled
Do you feel it?”

I did not make a rush decision to join Peace Corps. I contemplated this life for three years, little obstacle is not going to make me quit. So my friends back home, if you want to cheer me up, send me words of encouragement, instead of making personal judgment about my happiness. Only I know whether I am happy or not.

My Life in Azerbaijan - I Made the Connection

May 18, 2010
After the incident with the three dreadful teenage boys, I freak out every time when I see teenage boys. They are never alone, always a group of three, four or six. Few days ago, a group of them even blew me a kiss. For God's sick, I am old enough to be their mother, when is this going to end!

I have been very careful. During my daily walk, I try my best to stay away from them. When I spot them from a distance, I immediately take a detour. If I see them walking towards me, at once, I cross the street to avoid them. Sometimes when I have no choice passing them, I stay close to some elderly people, or hide behind them for some protection. This “teenage-boy phobia” for a while drives me insane. But I have been firm; I will not become a prison of my own apartment, so I continue to take my daily long walk regardless how many detours I have to take. Two days ago, I finally made a connection with these “ill-disciplined creatures”.

Summer is approaching to my town and the Sea is full of people. School is over and boys are everywhere inside the Park. Two days ago, a group of 15-20 teenage boys were out jagging by the Sea. When I encountered them, they were taking a break. Of course, I froze as soon as I saw them. They noticed me right away and watched me for a few seconds. “Idman?” (exercise?) I had no idea where I got the strength to talk to them. Instantly, there was a burst of laugh and cheer “hello, hello, how are you? How old are you?” I waved, smiled and jumped up and down to show them, I “idman” too. The tallest boy put his thumb up, praising me. (in Azerbaijan, no woman do exercise)

Today, I saw them again. They were running pass me. As soon as they saw me, they cheered and waved and smiled, and said hello. I guess the “idman” made the connection between us. Maybe teenage boys are not so bad after all. I will give them another chance.

My Life in Azerbaijan - Lovely Creatures

May 13, 2010
Here are four little lovely creatures that I discovered few weeks ago. They were born about a month ago and are abandoned by their mother. Right now they are living in the basement of my building. At night, they sleep in the cellar and during the day time when the sun is out; they would come out and bath under the sun. Everyone in the building is feeding them to make sure they are not hungry.

Every morning and every afternoon when I go out to and come back from work, I greet them with gentleness. They were afraid of me first. As soon as they saw me, they would run back and hide behind the doorway to the cellar but still watching me with those timorous eyes. One time, one of them was so frightened that it ran itself to the wall and bounced back to the floor. It was so cute! Lately, I found them growing more fearless each day. Yesterday, three of them let me touch them, except that little silly one who continued to run itself to the wall. I hope it did not hurt its head.

I have been thinking to adopt one of them but I discounted the idea right away. They look so happy together, playing, sleeping and cozying with each other. They do not have a mother but they have each other. I will be happy to greet them everyday. They should be free and wild instead of confining inside my apartment.

May Allah protect them!

My Life in Azerbaijan - Doesn't take much to make me happy

May 12, 2010
Section of the path that I take my daily walk passes a dense wooded area. It has becoming my favorite part of the walk. One of the reasons is because it has less people around and I receive less stares and unwanted attention. Another reason is because its nice setting. Each day, temperature in my town is getting hotter. With the humidity coming from the Sea, usually I would be sweating quite uncomfortably by the time I pass this section. However once I enter this dense forest area, everything changes.

I can still see the late afternoon hot sun above me, but I am completely sheltered by the canopy of this dense wooded area. Inside this “green tunnel” the hot breeze from the Caspian Sea transforms into a cool draft. It is so soothing, so gentle so relaxing and so ever welcoming. With all the cheerful birds singing around me, I find myself wanting to linger here more everyday.

These past two days, I have been noticing a light fragrant every time I pass there. When I look, I see nothing but tall trees. This sweet-scented lightens my spirit and adds more enjoyment to my walk. Today I am determined to find its source. Again, as soon as I enter into this section, here comes the sweet fragrant again. I keep looking up to locate THE flower and I nearly run into a couple. I feel so embarrassed and it is then I find THE flower! It is a small shrubbery right underneath a pine tree next to my feet. You really have to look very carefully to find it. This little bush is covered with young green leaves and between those shinning foliage are the tiny yellow flowers. It is those little yellow flowers that give away the aromatic smell. Immediately I pick a few and bring home with me.

I put them in water and it is right next to me when I am writing my journal. Uh, I am happy, very happy to find this little charming flower in Azerbaijan. It really does not take much to make me happy! Tomorrow, I will go back there and pick more…

My Life in Azerbaijan - The Best "Shit" Story

May 2, 2010
This past week, we had a 2-day Peace Corps training in Baku. It was nice seeing all my PCV friends again; Vivian, Carol, Catherine and many mores. We exchanged news, gossips, traveling plans and the “Shit” stories. Among all the elderly PCVs’ “Shit” stories, the most impressive one has to be the one told by Catherine Brookskenyon.

Back when we had our orientation in Philadelphia, Catherine was my roommate. This time, we arranged to be roommate again so we could spend the night catching up. Catherine has lost some weight but she looks great. She continues to impress me as a super PCV. Her living condition has to be the worst among all of us. In her village, she has no site mate and no one speaks a word of English. Her Azeri was not so good either. Her apartment has no running water and no heat, but she overcomes all those hurdles and has been doing wonderful works for the local youngsters.

One of her most inspiring stories is about the toilet her host family recently built for her. Before she showed us the picture of her new toilet, everyone was assuming it must be the western sitting type of toilet with new shinning tiles, mirror and washing sink but when she cheerfully showed us the picture of her new toilet, I was sick to my stomach.

Catherine’s new toilet is nothing but a hole on the ground. Her toilet seat is just two pieces of wood placing on top of some bricks right above the hole for her to sit on. Her host family has a squat toilet but due to her knees problem, Catherine is unable to squat. Instead of complaining, she continued to use the squat toilet by standing up. When she had diarrhea (which for her is often), Catherine just carried extra water with her to clean up. Finally her host mother realized Catherine’s problem, so the family built her this temporarily outdoor “Shit hole”. When summer comes, this primitive toilet will have to be removed to somewhere else or be improved for sanitary reason. After Catherine finished her story, she looked at me and smiled. Still feeling so proud, “They built this for me, Chi! I love my new toilet”. I wanted to cry…

The story may sound so unpleasant to some people, but it is the story that will stay with me forever. This story should be an inspiration for all the existing and future PCVs, especially for those who quitted or those who are considering quitting. Compare to Catherine’s problems, their reasons to quit, for me are so insignificant. Catherine never lost sight of why she signs up for the Peace Corps. Her physical limitations, her current living conditions, her language problem, her health issues, and her family back home are problems that are common to all of us, but Catherine never used any one of those excuses to exit Peace Corps. Quitting for her is a betrayal of her commitment to Peace Corps, to President Obama, and to the people of United States of America. Peace Corps and the US should be proud to have her as an "ambassador" to Azerbaijan.

I am grateful to meet Catherine, to get to know her, to have her as my roommate since day 1 and certainly I am very proud to have her as my life time friend.

My Life in Azerbaijan - I found my flower in Azerbaijan

May 2, 2010
Spring is always the happy time for me in New York. I often go into the wood to see the dogwood bloom, to look at the wild iris sprouting out from the streambed and to watch the purple lilac dancing in the wind. Among all the flowers, I love lilac the most. Its intoxicated fragrant with tiny lavender flowers steals my heart some twenty years ago when I first discovered it near my college dormitory in upstate New York. Since then, every spring, I had to go into the wood and pick some lilac for my room. Moving to New York City, I continued to have lilac every spring to decorate my apartment.

This month, the local flowers in Azerbaijan begin to bloom, especially those along the Caspian Sea where I take my daily walk. I think about the lilac and realize how much I miss seeing it. Much to my surprise, yesterday I discovered a few lilac bushes hidden behind some tall fences. I was happy beyond words to see my old friend again. I wanted to pick some but there were people around. I always attract people’s attention by being a foreigner, if I pick the flowers openly in front of those people, I probably would creat a big rally and most certainly I would be on Azeri TV next day. So I waited until the right moment. This morning when I got up, it was cold, damp and raining. It was a good day to commit my crime.

Azeri people do not like cold and rain. Even just a drizzle, they will stay indoor. I took this golden opportunity to go back to the path and pick the flower. As soon as I got closer to the fence and conducted my act, I heard a man shouting at me.

“Hara gedirsən?” (where are you going?)

I was embarrassed to get caught so I pointed at the flowers and smiled. The man waved his hand and signaled me to go away. Immediately, another elderly man came to the rescue. He talked to the angry man a few seconds. Afterward, the angry man looked at me and nodded. He allowed me to pick just one, so I thanked him and quickly picked two and ran. By the time I got home, I was soaking wet but I was happy, happy that I have discovered my favorite flower in Azerbaijan!

My Life in Azerbaijan - Settling Down?

April 24, 2010
My friend sent me an e-mail mentioning about settling down. Remember long long time ago, these two words “Settle down” was my much loved subject. I wanted so badly to get married and to have a family. Ten years passed by and now nearly twenty years is approaching, “settling down” does not seem to be such a desirable thing for me anymore. Am I losing the passion for love? Or does “time and tide wait for no man” finally hit me. Am I just too old for that sort of thing? Now serving the Peace Corps in Azerbaijan, I hardly thought about dating. However I do miss having a glass of wine, candle light dinner and a romantic night. I do not believe that I am losing my passion for love.

There are times for everything, times to be innocent, times to grow up, times to have fun, times to fall in love and times to settle down, times to be contented, times to grow old and times to disappear into the night. I had been innocent, I had grown up, I had fun, I had fallen in love a few times and I had wanted to settle down, but those times had become past. I am at the stage of my life where I need to be contented, need to feel good about what I do. My immediate focus is the remaining 20 months serving Peace Corps. Giving something back to the world is my priority.

After twenty months, will “settle down” fit into my time slot again. I do not know, but I do know that I have always been unsatisfied with life as most people live it. I want to live more intensely and richly when I still have time to do so. Continually to be tangled by what went before does not seem to be a wise thing to do. So long as I know who was, is and will be forever the love of my life, I am contented.

My Life in Azerbaijan - Master the language

April 25, 2010
After six months, I am beginning to feel confidence to communicate with strangers with my Azeri language. Not only that I am able to ask and answer questions, I am also able to write a grammatically correct sentence. The credit partly goes to my dedicated teacher, Oruj. He has been a wonderful and patient young fellow.

This morning, I took a bigger loop for my daily walk. I got lost somewhere, so I stopped and asked a group of older man for direction. I was not even afraid. I went straight to the one with grey hair and politely, I asked him the question,

“Salam! Hansı yol Xəzər Dənizinə gedir?” (Hi, Which way leads to the Caspian Sea?)

Total silence for a few second, (I guess they were shock to hear a Chinese girl speaked Azeri) then one of them repeat my question

“Xəzər Dənizi? Bu yolla” (the Caspian Sea? This way)

I smiled realizing that they fully understand my question, so I became even more confident, then I continued

“burada, düz gedir?” (this way, go straight?)

“Hə düz sonra sağa (yes, straight and turn right)

Çox sağ ol (many thanks!)

Then I walked with my head held up high! I know I have overcome another hurdle and reached another milestone. Afterward, I went to the bazaar and shop. I used Azeri to bargain, to get acquaintance with the shop owners. They were all amazed that I could speak Azeri with them. Some even laughted when I complaint how expensive their goods were.

Most of the older PCVs are reluctant to learn the language. I understand how they feel. “To teach an old dog a new trick” has some truth in it. As a person gets older, it is difficult to learn new things. I saw how hard my elder friends Vivian and Kathreen struggling just trying to retain some vocabularies in their brains. “It does not stick to my brain Chi!” Vivian used to complain to me.

For me to master the language is not to give up. Six months ago, I had the same problem as Vivian, but I didnot give up. I forced myself to watch the Azeri news on TV, they often had subtitle. I looked up the words if I didnot recognize them. I wrote them down and ask Oruj to help me to pronouce them. I think my hard work finally payoff.

Afterall, why not taking the opportunity to learn a new language? Peace Corps even pays for my lesson. The best anti-aging medicine for your brain is to keep learning. By the end of my service, I am going to write a 2-page long essay in AZERI! (YOU GO GIRL CHI!)

My Life in Azerbaijan - Best Spaghetti Sauce

April 26, 2010
The vegetables sold in the local market are very fresh and good quality. They are all organic! The tomato tastes like a tomato, cucumber tastes like a real cucumber. For a vegetable lover like me, it is truly a heaven to shop in the bazaar! I got very excited when I saw all the red, ripen and shinny tomato in the bazaar today. The price has gone down from 2 azn to 1.5 azn a kilo, so I bought a kilo to make spaghetti source.

I put lots of garlic, onion, hot pepper and sweet carrot inside a big pot; simmered it for two hours with low heat. After two hours, my apartment smelled like an Italian restaurant and the source turned out to be absolutely fantastic! The tomatoes had melted into small chunky pieces; they smiled back at me when I looked down to the pot. The source tasted superb, just wonderful! Oh, I am turning into a good cook. Cannot wait to cook “J” a good meal.

My Life in Azerbaijan - Missing my Hiking Days in NY

April 18, 2010
Today’s weather reminds me of spring time in New York. Sunny, the temperature is at the upper 50F, just a beautiful day for a long hike. The annual CMCNY 26-mile hike event should be over by now and for the first time in nine years, I could not attend this marathon hike. I do miss it!

I have started this strenuous exercise since 1991. For the past nine years, my loyal hiking partner Mr. Chen was always by my side to reach the finishing line. Last year, we got lost in the trail and ended up hiking 30 miles. We finished the hike just a little more than 12 hours. I was happy with the result for I had made another record for myself. A year ago, I was in an excellent shape. Just one month after the hike, I went to Utah with other friends and did a 10-days backpacking. With only 103 lbs, I could carry half of my body weight and climbed up and down with the 45-50 lbs backpack. Life was full of excitements, challenges, and rewards. Besides, I quitted my very stressful job in Wall Street. For the six months, I was living a healthy life and enjoying what I was doing. Afterward, I left for Peace Corps.

Today, my routine exercise is an hour’s walk inside a park by the Caspian Sea and half hour yoga afterward. There is no mountain here in the city, only a long flat shoreline. Occasionally, I can find some stairs climbing up to a small hill. The Azeri people avoid those stairs but for me they are treasure. I think I have climbed every stair inside the park, and my favorite one is the 125 steps stair leading to a statue. If no one is watching, I go back down and repeat the climb. Once, an Azeri man caught me doing it, he looked at me with a wide open month. He thought I was nut!

I do not know why I like exercise and I surely do not know why I enjoy mountain climbing so much. Twenty months from now, I will be back doing those things again. It may take me a few months to tune up my muscles. I may suffer with lots of pains in order to get back to the “excellent” shape, but I am looking forward to it. I just hope my hiking and backpacking buddies will still be there when I return.

This evening, I think I am going to take a 2-hours walk.

My Life in Azerbaijan - Short of Money

April 12, 2010
I only have 17 azn living allowance left for the rest of April. I know it will not last til the end of the month. I may have to dig into my own pocket again in order to put foods on the table. It sounds so ridiculous! Back in New York, I used to shop and buy whatever I wanted, never once was I worried about putting foods on the table. I have to laugh!

The cost of living in where I live is very high. The monthly living allowances that Peace Corps pays me is not even sufficient to cover my rent. Before I came, I was prepared to live in a small village where there was no electricity and running water. I was prepared to cook in an open fire, sleep under the stars and bathe in a river. But now, I am trapped in a concrete cage, troubled by the modern pluming, sometimes live in a total darkness and am disgusted by my own “shit” when there is no running water in the toilet.

Would it be nice if I camp somewhere by the river, dig a hole if I need to go, BBQ the fish I catch from the river, eat the berries I pick from the wood then go to work at the bank. This way, I will not spend a penny that Peace Corps gives me and I can even donate those money to the orphanage….Uh life is good!

My Life in Azerbaijan - Am I really making a difference here?

April 10, 2010
The most common complains from PCVs is lack of work. Not many PCV has enough work to fill the week. Some organizations do not even care whether volunteers show up to work or not. Compare to other PCVs; I am busy most of the time. The bank keeps me occupied during the week. However, busy does not necessary mean that I am happy for what I do. I often asked myself THE question: Is my work really making a difference here in Azerbaijan?

More than once I was frustrated by how inefficiency the bank (my organization) functions here. It took my bank three days to open an account for me. I can deposit money to and withdraw money from the same account, but I can not transfer oversea money to this account. In order for my sister wiring US$ to me, I had to pay the bank 10 azn to open another account, and of course, it took me another three days to see it happen. When the money finally arrived, I had to wait for anther three days to claim the money, and needless to say, it was not free. I had to pay another 20 azn for the bank fee. When I requested a copy of the paper works that I signed for both accounts, they were not available, maybe I will get it in two weeks or maybe not, who knows. My frustration usually is answered by a common but honest reply from one of my co-workers, “You are in Azerbaijan Chi, and this is how we work here”

My impression of most Azeri people is: they do not want the change. They are comfortable with things that currently are and resent ideas that are unfamiliar to them. Instead of solving problems, they choose to hide them. Instead of facing the situations, they choose to avoid them. The corruption and bribery are notorious in the country, but people choose to accept it. When I first reported the leaking of my kitchen sink to my landlord, he saw it as a minor problem, no need to fix it. When the pipe finally exploded, he tried to convince me that it would be ok to just put a bucket under the pipe. When I reported to my organization about errors that I found on their audited financial, the HQ acknowledged it but never did anything to fix it. I could write pages and pages of findings of the bank’s financial reporting deficiencies and listed all the recommendations, but I would never heard anything back from the HQ or saw any steps being taken to correct the situations.

It takes pride to admit error, it takes courage to make change, it takes time to see thing happen but it also takes more sufferings if the situation does not improve. I am the 7th group of PCV arriving in the country and there will more groups coming after me. “Help the people to help themselves” is one of our PCV missions. What if they do not want to help themselves?

My Life in Azerbaijan - Another One Quits

April 7, 2010
I only had a few days privacy at my apartment. Another PCV showed up and asked me to let her stay for a few days. My manager warned me before, he said that once you have your own place, other PCVs will show up and expect you to host them whenever they are in town. You do not have to say “yes” every time because it will become very stressful. I should have said no, but I did not have the heart to tell her.

She was very upset when I saw her at the Peace Corps Office. She told me that she just quitted the Peace Corps and desperately needed a place to stay to sort things out before leaving for the US. Well, if I were in her place, I probably would want someone to help me, to talk to me, to comfort me, “Sure, come and make yourself at home” and she did.

I do not know the real reason that she quits. All I know is that her organization does not want her back and she had a big fight with her host mother. She is a rich lady, just two years older than I am. She does not have to work for the rest of her life because she has money. Maybe that is the problem. There are not many rich people can be as humble as Mr. Warren Buffett and not many single middle age women can be a real “sweetheart”. I know I can be a “bitch” sometimes but I have not behaved so badly that my bank does not want me around. A few mishaps frustrated me but they have not yet drove me to the edge. As a guest of this country, I know I should show my respect, control my temper and sometimes, I do have to swallow my pride. Bitching and mourning will get me no where.

Since October, my group of seventeen has decreased down to thirteen. There is a rumor going on that there will be another one quitting. For those out there who are thinking to join the Peace Corps, here is my word of advice:

Make sure you join Peace Corps for the right reason or it will never work!

You should NOT join the Peace Corps under any of the following circumstances:
1. Cannot find a job at home
2. Have big problem at home and try to escape (you will have a bigger problem here)
3. Have no money and expect Peace Corps to support you (you may be poorer here!)
4. Seek adventure (there is only discomfort here, no adventure!)
5. Have money but does not know what to do with it (travel, travel, and travel)
6. Start a new life (ok, but prepare to start a tough life)
7. Just want to see how life is in other part of the world (you may end up hating it!)

So what is the right reason? For me, the foremost reason: to give something back, and secondary reason: to challenge myself.

“If you are not living on the edge, you take up too much space. It has nothing to do with thrill seeking. It is about making the most every moment, about stretching your own boundaries, about being willing to learn constantly and putting yourself in situations where learning is possible – sometimes even critical to your survival . Being out on the edge, with everything at risk, is where you learn and grow- the most”

By Jim Whittaker,
1st American to summit Mt. Everest

It pretty much sums up why I am here!

My Life in Azerbaijan - Helping US Embassy

April 5, 2010
This weekend, Julie and I volunteered to help Brent from the US Embassy for the “American Days” event in Baku. It is a month long program and the main goal is to educate the Azeri people about the America. My topic is “US National Parks – Where Nature intends to be”. Julie and I downloaded a lot of beautiful pictures from the internet. I also printed out some of my hiking, backpacking and mountain climbing pictures for the display. Our audiences were mainly university students, and the event turned out to be very positive. More than 200 people showed up, which is more than Brent had expected.

We had a lot of visitors approaching to our table and asking questions about our displays. They were amazed to see how beautiful America is. Hiking, camping and mountain climbing are not very popular in this country. In general, people do not exercise here. Men and women over 30 years old are overweight and their life expectancy is 65. Heart attacked is the main killer in this country. I am not surprise considering how much fat and sweet people consume here and how little exercise they do.

I have been realistic about my work here as a PCV. If today’s event somehow has created the awareness of living healthy among the younger generation, I have done my job here as a Peace Corps Volunteer.