Life After Peace Corps - Kite

Kite

The day I left Hong Kong, my father came to the airport to see me off.   By the gate, he urged me to come home more often for he is an old man, he may only have a few years to live.  I ignored his comments, quickly turned to the departure gate and left him there watching me disappearing in the crowd.     

     

Memories of my childhood, I often considered my father as a tyrant, an abusive husband and parent, a man with violent temper, harsh words and unhappy soul.  I was always afraid of him.  When he was in rage, I suffered psychologically.  For many years, I resented my father.  My brothers and sisters hated him as well.  When I was old enough to leave home, I was elated that I did not have to face him again.  For more than nine years, I was like a kite, flew as high and as far away from home as possible.  The only string that still tied me back to the family was my elder sister.  She finally pulled the cord and guided this lost “kite” to return home.   When I saw my father again, he was already an old man with completely gray hair.  He had lost many of his vitality.  His aging appearance brought me tremendous guilt and shame.  After all, he is my father.     

   

It is this undeniable fact that makes me forgive my father. Yet, I cannot love him, still find it hard to look him in the eyes and carry a decent conversation.  We remain cordial as strangers.  Only during these past few years watching him aging more, I begin to pity him.  I sense his loneliness, his sorrow and remorse.  He never said he was sorry, but I know he wants to reconnect with us, spend as much time as possible with his children and grandchildren.

Inside the aircraft, I am alone again. My father’s words resonate.  I am a kite, forever a kite which loves to fly freely in the open air.  That is the life I choose.  But this kite still has a string attached to where it originally took off; it will return to its roots when the time is right.   

I hope my father will live to a 100 year or more, so we have time to catch up.

Life After Peace Corps - Early Rise

Early Rise

I do not remember since when I started on rising very early in the morning, sometimes, I am up by 4am, and find myself hard to go back to sleep.  My body reacts to the natural light ever more.  Before the sun appears to the horizon, I am fully awake, anxious to get up to start the day.   Like those boisterous little creatures outside my balcony, I begin to move around restlessly, have my tea or coffee, practice yoga, take a shower, cook a nutritious breakfast, pack my lunch, dress for work, and by 7:30am, I am ready to leave for the office.  I perform each task with ease, no need to rush given that I have ample time to carry out each individual chore.  

Even in the weekend, I do not skip those routines; instead I deliberately take my time to do each task with precision.  I scrupulously make my hardboiled egg just the right texture, with a runny yolk and perfectly cooked egg white.  I exercise yoga more laboriously, enjoy the relaxation from an empty, aimless floating mind, as a result, a weeklong pressure from work slips away.  After a deliciously bath, look at the mirror and happy to see what the exercise has done to my body.  After that, I have a whole day to walk around my neighborhood, visit a friend, follow the four mile run river to its source, pick some wild flowers home, shop at the market for some fresh fruits and vegetables, return home and prepare a hearty meal.  Soon, the sun sets, and the day is over.  

The only drawback of this early rise is, when the moon emerges from the East, my body reacts to it as well.  By 10:00pm, my eyelids turn so heavy that I have to lie down.  Before long, the screen of my TV becomes a blur; I no longer can concentrate on the program.  Crawling to my bed, within a minute, I fall into a dream of happiness.  If someone has a camera, it will definitely capture the contentment of my face.  

Perhaps I have becoming a cave man, or a cave woman, rise when there is light, find a shelter to hide when darkness is upon me.  After all, what is the point of creating an artificial light, exert myself in an unnatural environment and perform tasks that are totally unnecessary.