My Retirement Years - Why Hate?

Recently a “I hate that person” Facebook posting within my Facebook community creates 
quite a stir.  A famous young singer is disliked by one of my Facebook friends.  His harsh comments made toward her, especially using the word “hate” surprises me.   

Hate is a strong word; to hate someone, one must have a strong feeling towards that person.  Family members do not get along, co-workers disagree on projects, husband and wife have heated quarrels, all can create a very unpleasant experience and eventually end up hating each other, that I can understand.  Hating a stranger whom you never meet, never have a relationship, and never even exchange a conversation, I question from where that hatred comes?  There is old Chinese saying, “hate is the oppositive of love, someone you ended up in hating must be someone you once loved so deeply”. 

Nowadays, you can read so much criticism towards Prince Harry and his wife Meghan Markle.  Many people HATE the couple.  The volume of dreadful postings trashing them on the internet startles me.  Some people even devote their entire career to write assaulting messages about the couple!  I am not a fan of Prince Harry and his wife. I may be bothered by their ignorance and disrespectful of the ancient British royal cultures and rules that were established and formed for reasons that are beyond their comprehension, but I certainly do not hate them!   Their choice of living is none of my concerns.  Afterall, why should we get upset over someone whom you are not related to, don’t care about or love?     As for my Facebook friend, I think what he really wanted to say was: he dislikes that person.  The word “hate” is not a true reflection of his actual emotion.  To dislike someone is probable.  It simply means disagreeing with them on certain issues, which is totally acceptable.

When we become intensely critical of a stranger, unconsciously, a negative mental and physical emotion inside you is ignited.    

“Don’t hate anyone for it kills your happiness.”

We should focus on something is more productive, someone means something to you.  How a stranger chooses to live his/her life is really nobody’s business.

 

 My Retirement Years - Traditional Chinese Courtyard

One trip to China, I encountered an aged but charming Chinese home.  The house is about 500-700 years old, it once belonged to a wealthy merchant.  The entranceway is flanked by two fearsome guardian stone lions: a male and a female. The male has his mouth open and a female with her protective paw places upon a cub.  It is believed that the male guards the home itself, and the female protects the inhabitants.  She represents the power of life.

An impressive heavy wooden door is painted with the customary crimson color.  Two corroded pull doorknobs resembled the head of a mythical creature gives impression that once upon a time, this home belonged to a prominent family.   I push the half-open door and right away, I am captivated by the unpretentious beauty of its courtyard.  Inside, flowering plum and peach blossom paint the garden with spring color. There are jasmine, petunia, and lupine flowers everywhere.  A graceful banyan tree stands tall in the middle of the garden, filters out some of the bright afternoon sun. The foliage of giant banana leaf moves about so elegantly in the breeze.  By the corner, a few wooden water buckets and a half-torn rope scatter around an ancient water well.  Years of neglect, algae and a few wild purple flowers are growing on the edge of the well. Peer into the well, I can see crystal-clear underground water mirroring the blue sky above.  

At the other side of the courtyard sits an empty rain barrel.  In the old times, the container was used to store water for daily use.   Some were used to nurture water lilies with a few goldfish swimming around.  A narrow path cuts through a round entrance, which frames a picture of what is behind.   I stare at the courtyard and can nearly hear children’s play and laughter, servants moving about to perform errands and a sweet melody playing by a beautiful young lady……..

Once upon a time, this idyllic home must be a nice place to live, to grow up and to retire.  The loveliness of the garden is palpable.

 My Retirement Years

The Magic of Ordinary Days

It is the end of 2023.  Every year of this time, I like to reread an essay I wrote when I returned from the Peace Corps.  The experience of Peace Corps changed my life, my attitude towards life.  Here is what I wrote:

The time I spent in Azerbaijan, without a doubt has a greater impact on me than on the people whom I was trying to help. How much I have changed since I set foot in this “underdeveloped” country. I know I can tolerate a much higher degree of discomfort.  No regular running water, unreliable supply of gas and electricity, even a cold shower in the winter, it is not the end of the world. Having lived with people with so little material provisions, now I can go home and be happy to live simply. I don’t need a high paying job; I can survive with less income. I don’t have to live in a luxury two-bed room condo. I can be just happy to live in a cozy studio. I don’t have to drink Starbuck coffee, eat imported cheese, and indulge myself with expensive wine. I don’t need fancy jewels or designer clothing to look good. I don’t have to compete with colleagues and friends. I don’t have to rush going from point A to point B.

I will return to New York with a much lighter spirit. Three most valuable lessons I learned from my Peace Corps experience: be patient, be flexible, and always have a sense of humor. I have grown to love life with a different attitude, I become more sensible and understanding, learn to listen more, have less self-pity, care more about my community, friends and family, recognize there are many people in the world with real problems, be more supportive with their needs rather than constantly complain about my own problems. Life in Azerbaijan has made a profound difference in me. As my Peace Crops journey comes to an end, and soon there will be more new faces (the AZ9) coming to Azerbaijan in October. I wish them well and my advice to them is a quote from Paul Theroux:

“…don’t make a mistake in thinking that you will make an important difference in the lives of the people you are among. The profound difference will be in you”.

Now I have retired, my days are nothing but ordinary, but they have magic.  Be content, be kind to others, give more and expect nothing to return, stop complaining and start living. 

 My Retirement Years

Come out from Retirement

Since I retired three months ago, I have received calls, text messages and emails asking me questions about my old job, or worse, returning to work part time or as a full-time consultant.  My first reaction was: feeling flatter.   Many of my co-workers, manager, and even upper management still respect my accounting skill, trust my judgement, and appreciate the quality of my work.  However, after that feeling subsided, my intuition urged me to say “no”. 

Life goes through stages, and we ought to give ourselves the opportunity to experience different phase of our life.    When it is time to retire, I did not hesitate to take that big step.  Returning to work, either part time or full time, is denying myself to experience that stage of my life.  Afterall, I love being retired.  Having time to do what I enjoy (drawings, hiking, camping, and backpacking) or having time to do nothing at all is wonderful. 

The ten years with the Smithsonian, I had made many recognizable contributions to the organization.  Many difficult projects, new assignments and impossible jobs were given to me, not because I was willing to do it, but because I was trusted by my manager to complete those assignments timely and professionally.  Once the assignment was given to me, I put 120% of my effort into finishing it.  As a result, I have gained and cumulated notably accounting and financial knowledge of the Smithsonian, far more than most accountants, managers, and directors both inside and outside of the department.

After years being relied upon, some people feel uncomfortable without me being around, including upper management.    However, no one is irreplaceable.  If I can do it, so can others.   The only requirement is a good work ethic, put extra effort to solve problems, instead of getting answers from me, research and find answers yourselves!

 My Retirement Years

Retirement

Two weeks into my retirement, and that is how I feel….

Retirement allows me to ponder the past, to remember family members who once occupied my life but quietly and unconsciously slipped away. Retirement is also time to relive moments that once pained or elated my heart. Retirement lets me rekindle some of my impossible dreams, Retirement is the time to toss a long life of collecting, what once was necessary no long needs to consume my time.  

Hour by hour I sit and muse
in what way my brain to use.
Shall I write or shall I read
for such effort is there need

I think on this and think on that,
some thoughts come easily as pat,
others cause my brain to shun
from anything that isn’t fun.

Retirement. A perpetual rest?
I’ve never known a harder test!
I’ve never been inclined to shirk,
but doing nothing’s such hard work.

I’m sure it’s true, some OAPs  (“Old age pensioner”)
know how it’s best to enjoy ease.
I wish that I was one of those
able to sit, relax and doze.

By Kate Beamish

 As a retiree, I find I am busier than ever! 

Retirement is time to reflect, to live again, to be productive and creative. Retirement is all about “you”.  Enjoy it!

 

 My Retirement Years

Feb 28, 2022

Years ago, when I was longing for retirement, I wrote about this distant dream:

My earnest ambition is to finish my “autobiography” (Book one - Life with Peace Corps). Once I accomplish, I shall retire to a small cabin in the woods, or a quiet canyon in the Utah desert.  That little cabin will have minimum necessitates, but it must face East to capture all the morning sun.  It must be surrounded by a nature garden with aspen, cottonwood, redbuds, boxelder, wild rose and cactus. I do not need running water so long as I have a spring, a small creek or a well from which I can draw water for daily use.  I do not need air conditioning.  Summer, the mountain breeze will keep me cool.  The leaves from the aspen tree, furs or willows will shelter me from hot sun.  Winter, I burn woods to keep warm.  Its orange hue allows me to read and write.   

 On a clear spring day, I carry my backpack, walk through valleys, pick wildflowers, or climb up to a mountain top, lie down on the green mountain slope and bath under the warm sun.  On a hot summer day, I go down to a canyon floor, find a nice cottonwood tree and relax beneath its canopy, gaze out to the blue sky, watch drifting clouds, and fall asleep to the sound of a murmuring spring. 

Now I re-read it and am happy that the “autobiography” is in place, and my retirement time finally arrives.  The description of my chosen retirement place may change slightly, but the general ideal is still the same.  I WANT A PEACEFUL RETREATING LIFE. 

Life goes through stages, and I am happy moving on to the next stage of my life and starting a new chapter with my retirement.  Like Book One, Book Two depicts this special period of my living, another humble journey.

Here is my retirement begins.

 

Aging

October 26, 2020

Have my annual physical, and the nurse asks me to rate my stress level.  I ponder a few seconds and respond with a smile: zero.  She laughs and understandably agrees with me and says: “you exercise so much and it does create some kind of positive energy in your brain, good for you!”.

But she is only partially correct.  I think age has something to do with it too.  Some people fear or even hate aging, I EMBRACE it.  When you are young, you have so many ridiculous dreams and ambitions, not that you should not have them, but they come with a price: STRESS.  Relationship, of course is another one that causes so much distress.  They, nonetheless, are part of growing up, part of life.

When you get to certain age, have experienced so much, gone through life with the pain, the joy, the disappointment, the excitement, the elation, the frustration, and the sorrow, either you remember and accept them with grace and dignity, or bear them in mind with regret and grief.  It is all about attitude.

There is an old Chinese saying: 無怨無悔也是人生一種美

Meaning: when you go through life with no complaint and regret, it is comforting and another kind of beauty in life.

Coronavirus

March 23, 2020

The deadly COVID-19 did not stop cherry blossom lovers from crowding the park.  The authority eventually has to close some metro stations and park entrance.  You can, however still watch the display from afar or choose to walk to certain area of the park.

I moved to DC in 2012, and as I remember, not even once I went down to join the crowds.  To tell the truth, I hate it.  You cannot take one photo without including a stranger in it.  There are many cherry trees in DC and VA.  As a matter of fact, down by my apartment complex, there are cherry, apple, peach and pear trees, all yield pink, white and red flowers.  If I walk 16 miles by the Four Mile Run River, I can see the most beautiful cherry tree display by Highway I-66.  But the problem is, no one wants to lift their legs, not even a couple miles to catch the glory once a year.  So because of the inconvenience, most people stop coming to the park. GOOD!  They don’t deserve to be there anyway.

Someone once said, we lost our legs after the car was invented. Years ago, I spent one Christmas with a college roommate.  Her family is rich and has many cars.  One day, her mother asked her to pick up mails from the mailbox which was only a minute’s walk down the hill.  But guess what, she took her car and drove down to the hill and collected the mails. Her mother gave her a smile with an approval.   I was speechless.

COVID-19 is not a deadly virus.  For a healthy adult, it is nothing more than a flu. Most people can survive from it.  Your natural immune system is capable of fighting off the virus.  But another problem is, there are not many folks wants to be healthy nowadays because it is too much work.

I once watched a TV reality show and an overweighted young girl was in tears telling the world that she was happy for what she was.  She loved to eat, especially junk foods, fatty foods, foods other than green she admitted.  “Fat can be beautiful too!” She said it with such a noble attitude and the audience cheered.  I took a deep breath and said nothing to people around me.  The world is changing and I don’t like it a bit.

It is not the virus killing us, it is us killing us!

Self Respect

February 29, 2020 

Harvey Weinstein sexual abuse case is over.  He is convicted of committing a criminal sex act in the first degree and rape in the third degree, but he is acquitted of the more serious charges of predatory sexual assault and one count of first-degree rape.  He is sentenced to 25 years behind bar.  Most likely he will die in prison, either is bitten to death by inmates or die of old age. He deserves the punishment.

Harvey Weinstein is a despicable man, , but he is not unique. This individual exists everywhere.   I even recognize him in history, thousand years ago.  He is timeless!   Harvey Weinstein is a popular character although not a likable one.  Some people, instead of distance themselves from him, choose to socialize with him, of course, for selfish reasons; money and fame.

The two women accusers of Harvey Weinstein are no exception.  Their decision to tolerate Weinstein’s abuses for years baffle many people, even the jurors.  Their friendly e-mails exchanges were the strongest defense used by Weinstein’s legal team.    Should these women be held accountable for their own action, or lack of?  Are they entirely innocent?

Harvey Weinstein has no power over anyone. When the two women succumbed their will to fight against this evil man and endured his unpardonable sins,  continued to put up with his sexual demands.  The message they sent to Harvey Weinstein was clear.  It convinced him that what he did was not wrong.  He was given the permission to go on with his demands.   For him, it was nothing more than just a business transaction, both parties were making deals, one gave, and one received.  At the end, like to a joint-venture or investment in the stock market, no one is promised with a gain.  For the accusers, they not only lost money and fame, they also lost their own “self”.

   

I will never sell my soul and body to anyone even I have to work in McDonald to make a living.  It all comes down to “self-respect”.