I am
free
Since
I moved to Virginia and took the less stress Smithsonian job, I see my life is
changing. Every Saturday when I am not
out hiking, I would devote the whole day housing cleaning, gardening and
cooking. These tasks some time ago sounded
dreary to me, but now I find them enjoyable.
When the house is clean, it feels cozy, when the garden is tidy, my
plants are happy, and the honey bees and butterflies will come and as I start
cooking, my apartment smells like what a home should smell. Finally when I hang my laundries out in the
sun, I find myself singing. I really
love doing these simple things!
Nowadays, I have foods to eat,
cloths to keep warm, nature (my garden) to relax, occasionally friends to
visit, life is satisfying. I no longer want to climb the "Corporate Ladder",
just be a humble government employee, work 9-5, and have time to do things I
truly enjoy. I am ten times lighter in spirit than when I was working in Wall
Street. I don't envy Marissa Mayer (Yahoo CEO) or Sheryl Sandburg (Face Book
COO), they are the phantoms and illusions that I, once upon a time believed were real. At least, Indra Nooyi, the CEO of
Pepsi Cola is honest, she admits: ‘I
don’t think women can have it all, I just don’t think so. We pretend we have it
all. We pretend we can have it all.”
Occasionally, I ask myself if I
miss shopping on the Fifth Avenue in New York, do I regret giving up the
high-paying job, or feel unfulfilled for quitting the annual CMCNY 26-mile
hike. Well, I know the answers when I
see myself in the mirror looking thinner, browner and healthier than the model
I see on the magazine, or when I sit quietly on the balcony in the evening with
nothing to annoy me and nothing to exhilarate me, just watch the sun setting
down to the horizon and the star coming out one by one. I went to Peace Corps and found a simple,
leisurely way of life very satisfying, and I came home and determined to do
just that. Looking back the last three
years, I can see myself as I was and realize how living simple has changed
me. Certainly I am happier than I was
then in New York.
Here, away from all the Wall
Street executives, “yuppie” professional colleagues and competitive hikers, I
dare to be myself. I don’t see why it
should ever again be important to be accepted by them. I don’t see why it should ever matter to me
again who does or does not like me. I
don’t see why I should ever care again what they think of me. Those things used to matter, though, because
I had no confidence in myself. To be
accepted and be included in their circle was important to me, but no more. Today, I am free.
