Life After Peace Corps - Homosexuality, God's Will?

December 14, 2012

Although I am not against Homosexual, I never thought that the behavior was natural or normal until I stumbled upon this article:

Among plants, sometimes flowers possess both male and female sex organs, sometimes they are unisexual and on different plants, sometimes unisexual and on the same plants, sometimes flowers are designed so they can't self-pollinate, other times they have to pollinate themselves, and some plants skip the sex scene altogether by reproducing vegetatively.

Among animals we find everything from the male seahorse who carries the eggs, hatches them and takes care of the young, to the "polyandrous" Spotted Sandpiper whose females may lay up to four nests in a season, each equipped with a different male incubating the eggs. Of course, the common earthworm is both male and female, and some snails sometimes mate with themselves, producing offspring.

The higher up the evolutionary scale you go, the kinkier it all gets. Among communities of mice and other mammals, when population density reaches a certain high level where diseases and famine threaten, not only does homosexual behavior appear but also parents begin killing their own offspring. It's always the case that the Creator chooses the welfare of the community over that of the individual.

In short, it is simply wrong to say that homosexual behavior is never natural.

I share this article with my religious friend.  He argues that according to the bible; homosexuality is not an acceptable behavior in the eyes of God.  I scratch my head and wonder, if god is the creator of the natural world, everything in nature surely is his intention, right?  He disagrees!

That is exactly the problem I have with religious.  I have many religious friends and they go to church 3-4 times a week, speak of how wonderful God is, how they love God, but do they truly understand God or they just blindly accept God.

My relationship with ‘God” has been consistent. I believe there is “something” out there.  Some people call it “God”, I would rather call it “secret power”.  Some people like to use bible to express God's will, I would rather be with nature and let “God” show me his words.   

If there is a “God”, I truly believe I will find him in the woods someday.  My friend Derrick did, he met God when he climbed Macho Picchu in Peru.   

“The place seemed holy, where one might hope to see God.

John Muir

This is the experience I am waiting for.  When I see him, I will have tons of questions for him, including this one, homosexuality.

Life After Peace Corps - Running

December 9, 2012

End of Daylight savings time means that when I get home from work, my running path would be in complete darkness. For a while, it deterred me from venturing to the night.  But after a several weeks, my body began to protest, I had to get out to “liberate” the energy trapped inside my body.  So one cool night, I went out for a long run.  Once I started running, I felt better.  I guess I need running in much the same way as other people occasionally need coffee or booze.  It just feels right and natural to be running again.

Certain sections of my running path edge around woodlands.  There are no street lights and I totally depend on the fickle lights coming out from few houses to guide me, and I welcome the barking of dogs, they make me feel safer.  Another problem running in the dark is the cars.  Their head lights either blind me or startle me.    I need to wear an outfit that has those fancy reflective materials to make myself more visible in the dark.  Running in the dark, sometimes does attract attention, unwanted kind of attention.  To be sure that I am safe, I have to avoid running on a same path.  By and large, I feel constricted, not having a complete enjoyment to run.   My co-worker urges me to join a gym.  So I decide to check out the gym in my neighborhood. 

As soon I entered to the facility, I was confronted by the most uncomfortable stifling air.   There were no windows, no fresh air, no trees, no flowers, no birds, just human.   I spot a good looking trainer with expensive workout clothing flirting with his trainees.   The receptionist was a young and attractive girl.  She asked me to put down my personal information.  Of course, I hesitated.  Eventually, she called her manager.  The skinny manager took me to his small office and went over the price tags of being a member.  The cheapest one: $499 annually!  I thanked him and left.    

I do not believe paying someone to get myself healthy.  Besides, I prefer fresh air than body odor.    That night, I went out running again.  I passed two churches and I asked God watch over me.  As always, when I finish my run, I am a subtly different person from the one who set out.  The cold crisp air indeed does my body good.    

Life After Peace Corps - Death

News reaches me from NY that a friend from my hiking club passed away few days ago of lung cancer.  I learned about her illness and visited her last month.  When I saw her nearly lifeless body in the hospital, it deeply saddened me.  She was unable to eat, to talk, to move or to look at me.  Her body was unbearablely thin.  A once energetic, healthy, full of promises woman turned into “vegetation”.   I spotted a small tear drop at the corner of her right eye.  I sensed her sorrow, despair and anger.  She was not willing to say goodbye to the life she used to live, and the world she used to know.   This unexpected illness devastated her.  “Why me?”  Perhaps, she was still struggling with the question and could not find peace with her destiny.

I once read:

If there is something to desire,

there will be something to regret.

If there is something to regret,

there will be something to recall.

If there is something to recall,

there was nothing to regret.

If there was nothing to regret,

there was nothing to desire.

If one can leave this world with such a lighthearted feeling, one has lived! 

We are ordinary mortal, but we can definitely live an extra ordinary life, and if we did, when time to depart, we should have nothing to recall, to regret or to desire. 

While most of my hiking friends are still mourning for her death, I quietly applaud for her new life. She is on her way to a new journey, a new place.   We celebrate birth, why not death?

A place no one knew - My 2012 Utah Trip

A lagoon stretches mirror like, bottomless black and beautiful before me.    Dragonflies zigzag by and occasionally dip into the water creating series of ripples across the water surface.  The pond is 30 feet across and looks to be about 5-10 feet deep at its deepest point.  At the right hand corner is a cylinder shaped chamber covered with stunning black desert varnish, which indicates that the trough is shaped by the powerful force of a recurring waterfall streaking down from the cliff above.  Across the lagoon is the emerald green of the aquatic plants floating on the perfectly still water surface.  Nature has positioned the plants artistically and poetically to form a picturesque backdrop.   On the smooth canyon wall, permanent spring seeps prodigiously from the porous sandstone, giving life to a hanging garden of flowers. Mosses, maidenhair ferns and scarlet monkey flowers are in a brilliant display. I notice a set of ancient moki steps carved into the wall and lead up to a small ledge above the chamber. The Indians who lived here before 1300 AD must have visited this lagoon often.  The ridge could possibly be their hiding place or a granary.  The primeval steps only add more mystery to this small canyon...... 

Sleepy Hollow is a wildlife sanctuary.  Inside the alcove-type cave, we found deer tracks, animal foot prints everywhere.  A little flowing spring is the heart of the cave, where animals come to drink, to nest, to rest and perhaps to dream.

Lower Calf Creek Falls

The trail leads to the Lower Calf-Creek Falls is sandy, and can be very strenuous walking, particularly in warm weather. However, the falls area, once reached, is a delightfully cool, shady haven well worth the effort.

Hidden Passage

I find it difficult to describe the experience of being in these places, the hidden passage, the beauty of the sandstone and tapestry walls, the designs on the walls, the pool of water at the end, the hanging garden, the little trickle coming down and echoing over the whole place…..     I hope in my next life, I will be a raven, perch high up on the canyon wall, live day to day, hour by hour.  All my existence is this beautiful place.

Golden Cathedral

"Nature is the expression of God" I can see more clearly each day.  There are no words to describe how beautiful this place is

 

After a week of tough hike, I end the trip at a nice restaurant looking over to the Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monument.  Under a pink sunset, the cliff glows to salmon color.  Soon, the sky gradually gets darker; Venus is brilliantly shinning down.  It is the moment like this that I wish I had someone special to share with...

By and large, it was a good trip, a trip that was full of expected and unexpected adventures and beauties.  I had fulfilled my years' longing to see the Escalante River, the last river in the continental United States to be named.  Utah remains my favorite travelling place.  I look forward to my next adventure - the Bandelier National Monument! 

    

Window with a View

Life After Peace Corps

 

No doubt, summer has come to an end.  In spite of the lingering heat, there are signs signaling summer's exit.  Morning, the sun acts like a sleepy child, unenthusiastically raises its head out of the horizon.  Evening, it quickly sinks back to the edge of the sky; lets darkness claim its realm earlier each day. The nights are different now, too.  The air is cooler, less stifling and actually quite inviting.  

Lately, I even notice that the leaves in the forest behind my bedroom window look different.  They have grown darker, older.  Some begin to turn brown and golden.  Vines tinge with red, and the last lingering wild flowers have shriveled; almost gone.  Recent frequent rainstorms also intensify summer's departure.  They melt away the dense forest with incessant downpours.  Nevertheless, I do enjoy listening to the gentle tapping sound of rain hitting leaves, watching the wild dance of autumn leaves spinning, whirling and swinging in the wind.

When the rain and wind subside, some leaves are trapped under fallen branches, some are blown away to neighbors' backyards and some drift as far away as the Four-Mile Run Stream down the hill.  They decorate walkways and stream beds with irised color.  Majority of the fallen leaves, however, rest on the forest floor; disintegrate slowly and release nutrients to the mother earth.  Unmistakably, the forest is not dying but changing, transforming, and deepening into hibernation.  

Weather authority predicts this winter will bring lots of snowfalls.  I am anxious to see how the woods look like when covering with snow.   Just another day, I walked into a family of four white-tailed deers.  The fawn still has the white spots on its back.  The encounter caught us off-guard.  We both stared at each other motionless.  Soon, the mother deer emerged from bushes, she watched me even more intensely.  After a while, she realized I meant no harm to her baby, so the family went on to their grazing and ignored my present.  

 This little piece of land behind my bedroom window is really not much of a forest.  But for a city girl like me, it is an untamed place, wild, natural and full of wonders.  The best part is, I don’t even need to travel far, just glance outside of my bedroom window.   It is literally a window with a fantastic view.

Mortal - We all are God's Children

Life After Peace Corps

In Virginia and DC, there are lots of young Spanish immigrants.  They are usually employed by the cleaning, construction and food service sectors.  Most of them are uneducated; speak very little English but they are pleasant, polite and hard working.  Some of the young workers still have the baby fat, rosy cheeks, innocent look and playful attitude.          

Every day, I go to McDonald for a cup of coffee.  (The only treat I can afford nowadays for being a Federal employee) The girl who greets me daily is a young shy Spanish immigrant.  At first she avoided eye contact with me, just took my order and said “thank you”, with a heavy Spanish accent and a bashful manner.  After a while, seeing me every day, she began to relax a little bit. One day, I took the initiative to break the ice, used my broken “Spanish” to say hello and made her laugh.   After that day, she became much friendlier, had the coffee ready for me as soon as I arrived.      

Yesterday, I went to McDonald again.  My young friend was helping another customer, an old African lady.  While I was waiting for my coffee, I overheard what the old lady said to her.

“Why didn’t you do as I said?”, “What is wrong with you?” “Do you know how to take order?”, “Do you understand English?”, “Go back to where you come from!”

My friend’s face was all red. Her eyes glued to the cash register with a blank stare.  She did not move, did not look at the old lady, did not say a word and did not attempt to defend herself.  The old lady went on and on with her complaints. 

Her insensitivity and rudeness toward the young girl brought back unpleasant memory of my past.  Years ago when I was still a foreign student, I was harassed by a young black girl in the NYC subway.  For no apparent reason, she approached me and hit me on the head, “Chin!” mocking me with her racial slurs.  For many years, that event haunted me and I lost my self-esteem.  It was when I finally graduated with honor, became a CPA and had a successful career that I finally realized that I was no less than they were.  But to this day, I still have a hard time understanding why “they” could be so unkind to “Others” when they are the ones complaining how badly they have been treated.   Maybe they are just a few bad apples, I surely hope so.

Next day, I saw my young friend again.  She seemed to forget what had happened to her yesterday, and gave me the brightest smile.   She is a hard worker and I picture her getting married, having babies and a lovely home in American.  I know she will make it, just like ME! 

It Is Not The Path We Choose

Life After Peace Corps

A man reaches a fork and does not know which path to follow,

“Where do you want to go?” a stranger tries to help

“I do not know” he says

“Then it does not matter which road you choose, does it?”   

One year ago today, I was in Azerbaijan. It is hard to believe that it has been nine months since I moved back to the US.  Unlike most of my Azeri 7 teammates, I already started a new life with a new job at a new place.  Most of the Azeri 7 are still trying to define their lives after Peace Corps; looking for a job, moving in and out of their parents’ home, being a “couch potato” or continuing to travel endlessly.  The most dispiriting reality is, some of them truly have no clue as what they are going to do next.

They are the one at the cross road, trying to pick a path, but whatever path they choose, it still lead them to nowhere.  The mistake is:  before we choose a path, we must have a goal.  Once we know where we are heading, take the right path and it will eventually lead us to our destinations.

While we are on the path, we will encounter obstacles, detours, roadblocks and sometimes rock falls.  I had been there, made countless detours when the path disappeared, got lost many times in darkness, fell down to a ditch, and suffered bruises by rock falls, but I never lost sight of my goal.  To be what I am today is not luck.

For the AZ8 who are coming home soon.  Take a moment to define your goal; then a path will appear. 

AZ 8, Welcome home!