Life After Peace Corps - My little Stickeen

December 19, 2013 – My little “Stickeen”

I used to be afraid of dog.  As a child growing up, I often harassed by wild hungry dogs wandered inside the narrow alley where my grandmother’s house located.  They followed me around, sniffed my bottom and frightened me to death.  Since then, dog and I never got along.  Few years ago, I read John Muir classic tale “Stickeen”.  The story is about the relationship/adventure between John Muir and a little dog named “Stickeen”.  I fell in love with Stickeen after I finished reading the book.  My fear of dog, somewhat, loosens a bit.     

One day around my apartment building, I saw a cute little Pekingese.  We never met, but for some reason, he kept staring at me.  No matter how hard his owner try to drag him away, the dog did not budge.  Unlike most dogs, this tiny “lion-dog” seemed to have a high opinion of himself.  Once I approached him, instead of jumping on me, licking my hands and trying to get my attention, he simply looked at me with his big round eyes, unenthusiastically  turned around with his tail still fanning left and right, then walked away.   His owner looked at me apologetically with a smile.  I knew right away who is the boss in this relationship.  

Few days later, I met this pair again.  The Pekingese saw me from a far distance.  He was very alert, still aloof and stared at me with its ears upright.  I approached them, said hello to the owner and looked down to the dog.  Again, he looked away as if I did not exist.  I did not give up, bent down and tried to pet him.  The Pekingese smelled my hand and finally let me touch him.  Once I put my hand under its chin and gently rubbed his fur, he curved up a little, and yielded to me, this time his eyes were more friendly.

One evening before entering into my apartment, I espied them on the hallway.  They are my neighbor, living right next door to me!  No wonder this dog stared at me since day one.  He smelled my presence every day.  When we finally met, he recognized my scent, so he stopped.  I went up to the owner and introduced myself.   I lowered myself to get closer to the dog, and started talking to him.

 “So you are my neighbor! How are you little one?”  I kept caressing the dog.   

This time, he loved it.  When I was ready to go, he started barking, not wanting me to go.  His owner consoled him and took him into the apartment.  I looked back and waved goodbye.  It was the beginning of our affair.

When I got home, I did some researches about this special breed and found out why this little master has such an arrogant altitude. This proud creature is an ancient breed of toy dog, originating in China.  Its ancestors were considered sacred dogs and could only be owned by Chinese royalty.  People without noble rank had to bow to them.   No wonder this little buster is so proud.

Now morning on my way to work, I greet them often.  The owner told me that his dog scented me long before he saw me.  The Pekingese would stop along the side walk, refuse to go futher, just looked at the direction where I soon appeared.   However, this little prince still would not show its enthusiasm, just stood there and waited for me to stroke him.  Lately, he became very playful, as soon as I extended my hand to him, he jumped out of my reach, teased me, and wanted me to play.  This morning, he teased me again, I was in a hurry so I left him.  He was confused, started barking.  When I looked back, he was stilling standing there staring at me with those adorable brown eyes.    I waved goodbye and promised to see him again tomorrow.    

When I retire, definitely I will have a Pekingese dog.

Life After Peace Corps - Heartless?

人非草木，誰屬無情

The 2^nd year in Azerbaijan, I painfully cut off a long overdue fruitless relationship.  Since then my heart has been like a still pond, quiet and monotonous, but peaceful and contented.  I ask nothing from God but good health and great spirit, which I gratefully treasure every day.  I am relieved that the pain finally faded,  pleased to be free and satisfied to be alone.  Alone most of the time but never feel lonely. Times when friends advise me to open up my heart and give love another chance, each time I decline.     I even confess to my closest friend that I do not need companionship and I have no desire for intimacy and closeness.  My heart, perhaps, as my friends insinuate, is as cold as ice.

As for the pain, it never really go away.  It is merely hidden quietly deep in my soul.  Occasional flashbacks re-ignite the pain and the agony is as sharp, quick and fresh as ever.    

Vera Pavlova once said:

“If there is something to desire, there will be something to regret,

If there is something to regret, there will be something to recall,

If there is something to recall, there was nothing to regret

If there is nothing to regret, there was nothing to desire.”

Whenever the pain resurrects, I keep reminding myself that I should regret nothing in the past, and long for nothing in the future.  I live day by day, be happy for what I can have, and not be disheartened for what I cannot have.  I find serenity….. until one day, an unexpected light wind blows across that still pond of mine, ripples appear.

It was an cordial and innocent 1^st encounter, nothing spectacular, then the 2^nd, 3^rd and on the 4^th encounter, I felt something.  I found my mind was constantly occupied by his image. I blushed whenever his eyes glanced over, and I had to look away to hide my nervousness.  I felt like a teenager again.  Most of the time, I was drifting like a cloud, weightless, smile for no reason, so unbelievable happy.  A special kind of man makes me feel feminine, his kindness, gentleness, and attentiveness make me loosen my independent and stubbornness.  It did not take me long to realize that I was in trouble…. but I was wise enough not to let my feeling go further.

Will I ever fall in love again, I think not.  It takes too much effort to love someone, it takes even more effort not to love someone.  It is tiring just to think about it.  This short lived experience, however, awakens me that I am not a heartless creature, I am still very much alive, my heart is still warm, has desire and feeling. I am, after all, a woman….

Life After Peace Corps - Cancer is not a Death Sentence

Power of Positive Thinking

“Nature” from PBS reveals that it is a common behavior for an injured animal to hide.  Only if it recovers, it will emerge from its hiding place.  Not even its family members will disturb that injured animal.  

News arrives from NY that one of my hiking friends just passed away due to cancer.  Last time I saw her, she was energetic, healthy and an attractive young lady.  Her death came as a huge surprise to me and to most of my friends.  For two years, hardly anyone knew about her struggling with the disease.  She made her family keep her illness as a secret.  She went through the battle on her own term.  Like the injured animal, she chose to hide.  I respect her decision, but I think her choice may not be a wise one.  

I wish she shared her secret with me. I would have talked to her, encouraged her not to give up.  Cancer is not a death sentence.  I have known people survived from the disease.  Most of them stay optimistic.  They do not give up hope.  They talk about their illness openly; they seek help proactively, not just from the medical advice, but from their friends and family’s emotional support!  They cope with their illness with openness and positive thinking. They understand they have absolutely nothing to lose, but everything to gain by remaining positive. Chances are, they may pull through their ailment and create their own miracle. 

Our brain is a powerful thing.  Unfortunately some of us do not put too much trust into it.  Our brain can send message to our body, to tell our body to behavior, and our body will heal.  Our brain’s sole existence is to keep us alive.  Only if we do not give up, our brain will not do so, and our body will continue to be controlled by our brain.  You must have faith in your brain!

Life After Peace Corps - Your Body

Your Body Can Heal Itself!

Yesterday at work, I overheard my two co-workers talking about the allergy medications they were taking. 

“I take Zyrtec day time and Benadryl at night” one of my co-workers  said

I love Tavist, it works wonder for me.  I am very happy taking it, maybe you should try too”, the other responded. 

Later, I could not help but telling one of them that she was putting poison into her body by taking so many medications.  I advised her to strengthen her immune system instead. She did not take it so gratefully; perhaps she thought that I should mind my own business.  

The problem in the American society now is that there are so many TV advertisements about drugs.  Every time when we have a problem with our body, there are drugs to take, over the counter or prescription.  If we overweight, take a pill, if we have a headache, take another pill.  If that pill gives us side effects, take another pill to suppress those symptoms, just keep taking pills.  We taking pills as if we are taking candies, it is really no big deal.  

The advance medicine and science open up all the possibilities for mankind that we, human, can manipulate our bodies whatever way we want, even it is totally against nature.  If we do not like how our face looks, we can inject Botox.  If we do not like our belly fat, we can do a liposuction.  What harm do those “foreign substances” do to our bodies, no one really cares.   So long as they can make us look and feel better, it is all right.  After all, our doctors prescribe them, right?  Occasionally, I was a victim of those “quick fixes” as well.

Since I came back from the backpacking trip two months ago, the pain of my neck, shoulders and lower back linger.  I took an X-ray, MRI twice, went from doctor to doctor, visited one specialist to another, and kept taking prescription drugs.  For a while, I took the doctors’ advice and drugged myself with high dosage of pain killers. But when the pain returned after I stop taking them, I knew I have not yet solved my problem.  Until I find out what causes the pain, my body will keep screaming at me with the acute pain.  So I refuse to take anymore medicines.  I go onto internet, educate myself about my body, read books about how to reverse neck, shoulders and back pain naturally and try to understand my bodily structure, and eventually go visiting a Chiropractor for his advice.  After four sections, 99% of my pain is gone and I did not even take a single pill.  

Today, I feel much better about my pain. I understand what I did wrong.  Taking medicine is not the answer.  Pills may temporarily hide my pain, but they do not help my body to heal.  These past two months suffering from the pain makes me understand my body more.  How important it is to treat my body with respect.  How powerful it is to maintain a positive altitude, believe in my body can and will heal itself even without taking all the poison drugs and a neck surgery!

My age is catching up with me.  Even I do not have to give up all the outdoors activities that I enjoy doing, but I must listen to my body.  If the activity turns out to be too much for my body, (such as carrying 40 lbs on my back and hike 13 hours nonstop) I need to reconsider, take precaution and not be foolish enough to keep convincing myself that I CAN DO IT.  The fact is I CAN NOT! I have to accept it. 

I can become whole again.  All the positive thinking, acceptance, integrity and sense of humor help me to heal.  I am on my way to recover, I must believe!

       

 

     

Life After Peace Corps - Govenment Shutdown

Government Shutdown

Nearly three weeks’ government shutdown allowed me to stay home and do nothing.  Except a few days visiting friends in New York, for the entire time, I was idle.   At first, I thought I would be bored, but contrary, I was happy to be “inactive”.  

Actually, the three weeks went by fast.   I was discipline enough to rise early in the morning.  Around 5:30am, got up and practiced yoga, then, showered, had breakfast and watched news for an hour.  After the morning routine, the entire day was free.  Sometimes I cleaned house, sometimes I read and wrote, sometimes I cooked, and sometimes, I just sat and watched my plants bathing in the morning sun, nothing unusual, but I found contentment in doing them.   Afternoon, after I finished watching PBS or Judge Judy (I love how she yelled at idiots!), I went for a 4-mile run. The run stimulated my appetite, so I prepared myself a hearty home cooked meal.  By the time I finished dishes, the day had nearly gone. When darkness came, my body reacted naturally; sleep came easily and I would be dozing off by 10:00pm.   For the 16 days, my life was so uncomplicated, so relaxed, so at ease, so peaceful, so “primitive” and yet so delightful.  It reminded me the two years I lived in Azerbaijan and the time I spent down in the remote canyons of Utah.  

Now I am back to work again, I have to rush to work and spend less time doing nothing.  So when weekend comes, I deliberately to slow down, take my time enjoying my morning tea and coffee, spend more time nurturing my plants, count each flower bud and inspect the new growths with excitement.  When I sit down and write about my weekend, I realize how much happiness I have by doing nothing, or I should say by doing simple things.

For those folks who caused the government shutdown, I urged them to take a few days off, de-tangle the complicating things and make thing simple.   Life would be much rewarding that way.

The Queen and Magic of the Night

 

I probably have observed the “Night Blooming Cereus” flowered more than a dozen times.  Each time, I felt honored to witness its bloom. I love flowers, but Night Blooming Cereus is my most beloved lady.  Nowadays, my garden would not be complete without her present.  My summer will not be whole if I miss her bloom.

From an infinitesimal flower bud grows to be a foot long flower stem, and eventually open up to a magnificent flower.  No flower of any kind entices me as the flower of Night Blooming Cereus.  She is the queen and the magic of the night.