Life After Peac Corps - A Story of Guilt

A Story of Guilt

January 18, 2015

A famous Chinese writer once wrote a story about his boyhood recalling an innocuous but yet cruel act towards his younger brother.  One autumn day, the author found his brother hiding inside a chicken shed, instead of performed his duties as instructed; the young boy was making a paper kit enthusiastically.  The author was frustrated and angry, without a word, he stepped on the nearly finished kit and smashed it into pieces.  He left his brother in the shed with misery.  It probably took his brother many hours to make that kit.   

Years later, they both grew up as an adult.  The author became a writer and his brother was a successful business man.  That innocent conduct resurrected one day from the author’s memory and since was tormenting him.  Finally on one family gathering, the author brought up the event.  To the author’s surprise, his young brother had no recollection of the occasion and laughed at his brother for remembering such a childlike thing.  But that did not make the author feel any better.  He carried that guilty conscious well into his old age and finally confessed his remorse through his writings.  That story caught my attention and stay with me for many years.

I was also once a young innocent but hot tempered adolescent.  Many such shameless acts were placed upon my elder sister.  Today, my sister may not remember any of those instances or possible she has already forgiven me.   Yet, like the author, I have this enormous guilt living inside me…………….

To err is human, to forgive, divine.

Not sure I can forgive myself, but one thing I can do.  We once grew up together, and we can certainly grow old together…..