My Life in Azerbaijan - Am I Happy Here

March 12, 2010
Steve left a comment on my blog

“You have the saddest Peace Corps blog I have ever read. Not to take away from your problems, but your complaints are also kind of funny. I am sorry you are having difficulty with your service. I hope things take a big turn for the better soon!”

Steve, you have a few typos, I corrected them for you :)

Sounds like I am not happy here. Well, let me say this: I have chosen to live this life. Similar to all my previous adventures and mountain climbing, they were hard during the process, but at the end, I treasure those moments. Times that I suffered, I understand myself more, appreciate things better, broaden my horizon further and open up my eyes and soul wider. I do not want to be that little frog sitting at the bottom of the well, only seeing a small section of the sky. All my life, I have dreamed about being a little wild flower blooming at the top of the cliff, watching sunset, sundown everyday, caressing by wind and warm sun every spring and tormenting by snow and cold temperature every winter. When this little flower dies, she has no regret; she has lived the life she wanted. She has seemed things that are less ordinary, experienced things that matter to her. When she reports to God someday, she can tell God, "I have lived my life, not just surviving, but LIVED!"

Gandhi once said that “To live is to travel, to travel is to live, to travel is to see the difference in your life”

If I did not experience the harsh life here in Azerbaijan, I would never know how good my life was in New York. Peace Corps experience is a new chapter of my life. I treasure it while I am suffering from it. I hope you understand. Steve, don’t worry about me, I am a tough cocky. Weight 101 lbs, 5 feet talk and speak English with a Chinese accent. I am a true survivor! (as a matter of fact, I always want to sign up with that TV show, except I do not know how to swim!) When I am ready to leave this country, I will miss all the things I complained about. I will miss my Azeri friends, my host mother, my host sisters, the little kids and even those boys who gave me the hard time.

My blog is a place where I can let out my feeling. The writings are the reflection of my daily mood, feeling, thoughts, happiness and sadness. Overall it is about my life in a foreign land. I need this blog to comfort me, no matter how my writings sound to the public. Peace Corps warned us (PCVs) many times to be careful what we write in our blog, we can risk being kicked out by Peace Corps if we write something bad about the country and its people. I will take this risk. After all, things that I wrote in my blog are fact, not fiction, they are nothing but the TRUTH! Düşdür? (understand?)