My Life in Azerbaijan - Settling Down?

April 24, 2010
My friend sent me an e-mail mentioning about settling down. Remember long long time ago, these two words “Settle down” was my much loved subject. I wanted so badly to get married and to have a family. Ten years passed by and now nearly twenty years is approaching, “settling down” does not seem to be such a desirable thing for me anymore. Am I losing the passion for love? Or does “time and tide wait for no man” finally hit me. Am I just too old for that sort of thing? Now serving the Peace Corps in Azerbaijan, I hardly thought about dating. However I do miss having a glass of wine, candle light dinner and a romantic night. I do not believe that I am losing my passion for love.

There are times for everything, times to be innocent, times to grow up, times to have fun, times to fall in love and times to settle down, times to be contented, times to grow old and times to disappear into the night. I had been innocent, I had grown up, I had fun, I had fallen in love a few times and I had wanted to settle down, but those times had become past. I am at the stage of my life where I need to be contented, need to feel good about what I do. My immediate focus is the remaining 20 months serving Peace Corps. Giving something back to the world is my priority.

After twenty months, will “settle down” fit into my time slot again. I do not know, but I do know that I have always been unsatisfied with life as most people live it. I want to live more intensely and richly when I still have time to do so. Continually to be tangled by what went before does not seem to be a wise thing to do. So long as I know who was, is and will be forever the love of my life, I am contented.

My Life in Azerbaijan - Master the language

April 25, 2010
After six months, I am beginning to feel confidence to communicate with strangers with my Azeri language. Not only that I am able to ask and answer questions, I am also able to write a grammatically correct sentence. The credit partly goes to my dedicated teacher, Oruj. He has been a wonderful and patient young fellow.

This morning, I took a bigger loop for my daily walk. I got lost somewhere, so I stopped and asked a group of older man for direction. I was not even afraid. I went straight to the one with grey hair and politely, I asked him the question,

“Salam! Hansı yol Xəzər Dənizinə gedir?” (Hi, Which way leads to the Caspian Sea?)

Total silence for a few second, (I guess they were shock to hear a Chinese girl speaked Azeri) then one of them repeat my question

“Xəzər Dənizi? Bu yolla” (the Caspian Sea? This way)

I smiled realizing that they fully understand my question, so I became even more confident, then I continued

“burada, düz gedir?” (this way, go straight?)

“Hə düz sonra sağa (yes, straight and turn right)

Çox sağ ol (many thanks!)

Then I walked with my head held up high! I know I have overcome another hurdle and reached another milestone. Afterward, I went to the bazaar and shop. I used Azeri to bargain, to get acquaintance with the shop owners. They were all amazed that I could speak Azeri with them. Some even laughted when I complaint how expensive their goods were.

Most of the older PCVs are reluctant to learn the language. I understand how they feel. “To teach an old dog a new trick” has some truth in it. As a person gets older, it is difficult to learn new things. I saw how hard my elder friends Vivian and Kathreen struggling just trying to retain some vocabularies in their brains. “It does not stick to my brain Chi!” Vivian used to complain to me.

For me to master the language is not to give up. Six months ago, I had the same problem as Vivian, but I didnot give up. I forced myself to watch the Azeri news on TV, they often had subtitle. I looked up the words if I didnot recognize them. I wrote them down and ask Oruj to help me to pronouce them. I think my hard work finally payoff.

Afterall, why not taking the opportunity to learn a new language? Peace Corps even pays for my lesson. The best anti-aging medicine for your brain is to keep learning. By the end of my service, I am going to write a 2-page long essay in AZERI! (YOU GO GIRL CHI!)

My Life in Azerbaijan - Best Spaghetti Sauce

April 26, 2010
The vegetables sold in the local market are very fresh and good quality. They are all organic! The tomato tastes like a tomato, cucumber tastes like a real cucumber. For a vegetable lover like me, it is truly a heaven to shop in the bazaar! I got very excited when I saw all the red, ripen and shinny tomato in the bazaar today. The price has gone down from 2 azn to 1.5 azn a kilo, so I bought a kilo to make spaghetti source.

I put lots of garlic, onion, hot pepper and sweet carrot inside a big pot; simmered it for two hours with low heat. After two hours, my apartment smelled like an Italian restaurant and the source turned out to be absolutely fantastic! The tomatoes had melted into small chunky pieces; they smiled back at me when I looked down to the pot. The source tasted superb, just wonderful! Oh, I am turning into a good cook. Cannot wait to cook “J” a good meal.

My Life in Azerbaijan - Missing my Hiking Days in NY

April 18, 2010
Today’s weather reminds me of spring time in New York. Sunny, the temperature is at the upper 50F, just a beautiful day for a long hike. The annual CMCNY 26-mile hike event should be over by now and for the first time in nine years, I could not attend this marathon hike. I do miss it!

I have started this strenuous exercise since 1991. For the past nine years, my loyal hiking partner Mr. Chen was always by my side to reach the finishing line. Last year, we got lost in the trail and ended up hiking 30 miles. We finished the hike just a little more than 12 hours. I was happy with the result for I had made another record for myself. A year ago, I was in an excellent shape. Just one month after the hike, I went to Utah with other friends and did a 10-days backpacking. With only 103 lbs, I could carry half of my body weight and climbed up and down with the 45-50 lbs backpack. Life was full of excitements, challenges, and rewards. Besides, I quitted my very stressful job in Wall Street. For the six months, I was living a healthy life and enjoying what I was doing. Afterward, I left for Peace Corps.

Today, my routine exercise is an hour’s walk inside a park by the Caspian Sea and half hour yoga afterward. There is no mountain here in the city, only a long flat shoreline. Occasionally, I can find some stairs climbing up to a small hill. The Azeri people avoid those stairs but for me they are treasure. I think I have climbed every stair inside the park, and my favorite one is the 125 steps stair leading to a statue. If no one is watching, I go back down and repeat the climb. Once, an Azeri man caught me doing it, he looked at me with a wide open month. He thought I was nut!

I do not know why I like exercise and I surely do not know why I enjoy mountain climbing so much. Twenty months from now, I will be back doing those things again. It may take me a few months to tune up my muscles. I may suffer with lots of pains in order to get back to the “excellent” shape, but I am looking forward to it. I just hope my hiking and backpacking buddies will still be there when I return.

This evening, I think I am going to take a 2-hours walk.

My Life in Azerbaijan - Short of Money

April 12, 2010
I only have 17 azn living allowance left for the rest of April. I know it will not last til the end of the month. I may have to dig into my own pocket again in order to put foods on the table. It sounds so ridiculous! Back in New York, I used to shop and buy whatever I wanted, never once was I worried about putting foods on the table. I have to laugh!

The cost of living in where I live is very high. The monthly living allowances that Peace Corps pays me is not even sufficient to cover my rent. Before I came, I was prepared to live in a small village where there was no electricity and running water. I was prepared to cook in an open fire, sleep under the stars and bathe in a river. But now, I am trapped in a concrete cage, troubled by the modern pluming, sometimes live in a total darkness and am disgusted by my own “shit” when there is no running water in the toilet.

Would it be nice if I camp somewhere by the river, dig a hole if I need to go, BBQ the fish I catch from the river, eat the berries I pick from the wood then go to work at the bank. This way, I will not spend a penny that Peace Corps gives me and I can even donate those money to the orphanage….Uh life is good!

My Life in Azerbaijan - Am I really making a difference here?

April 10, 2010
The most common complains from PCVs is lack of work. Not many PCV has enough work to fill the week. Some organizations do not even care whether volunteers show up to work or not. Compare to other PCVs; I am busy most of the time. The bank keeps me occupied during the week. However, busy does not necessary mean that I am happy for what I do. I often asked myself THE question: Is my work really making a difference here in Azerbaijan?

More than once I was frustrated by how inefficiency the bank (my organization) functions here. It took my bank three days to open an account for me. I can deposit money to and withdraw money from the same account, but I can not transfer oversea money to this account. In order for my sister wiring US$ to me, I had to pay the bank 10 azn to open another account, and of course, it took me another three days to see it happen. When the money finally arrived, I had to wait for anther three days to claim the money, and needless to say, it was not free. I had to pay another 20 azn for the bank fee. When I requested a copy of the paper works that I signed for both accounts, they were not available, maybe I will get it in two weeks or maybe not, who knows. My frustration usually is answered by a common but honest reply from one of my co-workers, “You are in Azerbaijan Chi, and this is how we work here”

My impression of most Azeri people is: they do not want the change. They are comfortable with things that currently are and resent ideas that are unfamiliar to them. Instead of solving problems, they choose to hide them. Instead of facing the situations, they choose to avoid them. The corruption and bribery are notorious in the country, but people choose to accept it. When I first reported the leaking of my kitchen sink to my landlord, he saw it as a minor problem, no need to fix it. When the pipe finally exploded, he tried to convince me that it would be ok to just put a bucket under the pipe. When I reported to my organization about errors that I found on their audited financial, the HQ acknowledged it but never did anything to fix it. I could write pages and pages of findings of the bank’s financial reporting deficiencies and listed all the recommendations, but I would never heard anything back from the HQ or saw any steps being taken to correct the situations.

It takes pride to admit error, it takes courage to make change, it takes time to see thing happen but it also takes more sufferings if the situation does not improve. I am the 7th group of PCV arriving in the country and there will more groups coming after me. “Help the people to help themselves” is one of our PCV missions. What if they do not want to help themselves?

My Life in Azerbaijan - Another One Quits

April 7, 2010
I only had a few days privacy at my apartment. Another PCV showed up and asked me to let her stay for a few days. My manager warned me before, he said that once you have your own place, other PCVs will show up and expect you to host them whenever they are in town. You do not have to say “yes” every time because it will become very stressful. I should have said no, but I did not have the heart to tell her.

She was very upset when I saw her at the Peace Corps Office. She told me that she just quitted the Peace Corps and desperately needed a place to stay to sort things out before leaving for the US. Well, if I were in her place, I probably would want someone to help me, to talk to me, to comfort me, “Sure, come and make yourself at home” and she did.

I do not know the real reason that she quits. All I know is that her organization does not want her back and she had a big fight with her host mother. She is a rich lady, just two years older than I am. She does not have to work for the rest of her life because she has money. Maybe that is the problem. There are not many rich people can be as humble as Mr. Warren Buffett and not many single middle age women can be a real “sweetheart”. I know I can be a “bitch” sometimes but I have not behaved so badly that my bank does not want me around. A few mishaps frustrated me but they have not yet drove me to the edge. As a guest of this country, I know I should show my respect, control my temper and sometimes, I do have to swallow my pride. Bitching and mourning will get me no where.

Since October, my group of seventeen has decreased down to thirteen. There is a rumor going on that there will be another one quitting. For those out there who are thinking to join the Peace Corps, here is my word of advice:

Make sure you join Peace Corps for the right reason or it will never work!

You should NOT join the Peace Corps under any of the following circumstances:
1. Cannot find a job at home
2. Have big problem at home and try to escape (you will have a bigger problem here)
3. Have no money and expect Peace Corps to support you (you may be poorer here!)
4. Seek adventure (there is only discomfort here, no adventure!)
5. Have money but does not know what to do with it (travel, travel, and travel)
6. Start a new life (ok, but prepare to start a tough life)
7. Just want to see how life is in other part of the world (you may end up hating it!)

So what is the right reason? For me, the foremost reason: to give something back, and secondary reason: to challenge myself.

“If you are not living on the edge, you take up too much space. It has nothing to do with thrill seeking. It is about making the most every moment, about stretching your own boundaries, about being willing to learn constantly and putting yourself in situations where learning is possible – sometimes even critical to your survival . Being out on the edge, with everything at risk, is where you learn and grow- the most”

By Jim Whittaker,
1st American to summit Mt. Everest

It pretty much sums up why I am here!

My Life in Azerbaijan - Helping US Embassy

April 5, 2010
This weekend, Julie and I volunteered to help Brent from the US Embassy for the “American Days” event in Baku. It is a month long program and the main goal is to educate the Azeri people about the America. My topic is “US National Parks – Where Nature intends to be”. Julie and I downloaded a lot of beautiful pictures from the internet. I also printed out some of my hiking, backpacking and mountain climbing pictures for the display. Our audiences were mainly university students, and the event turned out to be very positive. More than 200 people showed up, which is more than Brent had expected.

We had a lot of visitors approaching to our table and asking questions about our displays. They were amazed to see how beautiful America is. Hiking, camping and mountain climbing are not very popular in this country. In general, people do not exercise here. Men and women over 30 years old are overweight and their life expectancy is 65. Heart attacked is the main killer in this country. I am not surprise considering how much fat and sweet people consume here and how little exercise they do.

I have been realistic about my work here as a PCV. If today’s event somehow has created the awareness of living healthy among the younger generation, I have done my job here as a Peace Corps Volunteer.